You know how, when you take a multiple-choice test offering A, B, C, or D, and you’re like: “Well, I haven’t had ‘B’ for four questions, so I’ll choose that.” Well, you may feel like you have a multiple choice right about now. You’re either going to burst out and blow up, wither away and melt, or go flat out crazy. You’re told to get a thicker skin, to stop being a drama queen, or you get some half-hearted support about how great you’re supposedly doing. Is anyone you know, including yourself, handling his or her emotions in a healthy way these days?

Cut out all that junk food. Stop procrastinating and clean up the clutter. Oh, right, you’re not a procrastinator. You just prefer doing things in a deadline-induced panic. Get some exercise, for mercy’s sake. You just saw three people jogging, so it inspired you to get up – and close the blinds. Eat your spinach. Get more fiber. Floss those pearly whites. It’s good for you. Well, ice cream is good for me, too. It happens to have a low glycemic index – and contains milk, which we all know has tons of essential nutrients and vitamins. So there. Want the inside scoop? It’s never too cold for ice cream.

You know the feeling of lying under a really heavy, soft blanket? Even though it’s all weighty and dense, it still feels so utterly familiar and comfortable. Yikes, change it for something lighter? That’s too unnerving. Talk about embracing the unfamiliar. Welcome to our unprecedented, unaccustomed new life, where the government seems to have a problem for every solution. You just checked your account balance at the ATM and it printed you coupons for ramen noodles. I know. Let’s be honest. Sometimes all you need is a billion dollars.

Have you been embracing your inner lunatic lately? Did y’all notice how some of us are inordinately better than others at dealing with the hurt, harm, headaches, and heaviness in the world right now. I had my patience tested. I’m negative. Are you walking around with outward smiles, but indoor screams? By the way, when was the last time you saw someone smile? Oh, that’s right. You can’t. Face masks. Well, at least ventriloquism got easier. Many have given up smiling entirely. We’re all on the road to De-mask-us. Of course, you’re not planning to turn your clock back on November 1. Seriously, none of us need an extra hour of 2020.

Adventure is calling, but you can’t come to the phone right now. Clearly our predictable textbook style of living has gone the way of the dodo bird. Let’s be honest. Some of us eat pizza like it’s going extinct. Wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind; it’s too cheesy. But sincerely, most of us had a predetermined path for our lives that we invested most of our energy in. We believed in a somewhat probable outcome. So much for guarantees, eh? Heck, I used to have an irrational fear of obstacles, but I got over it. I also had a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it, too. They say the biggest human fear is the Unknown. Like….

If you are not having dark, depressing thoughts as of late, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. Nearly everyone you speak to feels either frightened, angry, out of control, or like they are losing what’s left of their mind. Don’t you wish losing weight was as easy as losing your mind?