Does anyone in your life have a negative impact on your mood or even your self-esteem? Some people predictably create stress and negativity in your life. They can suck the life right out of you and even make you feel worse about yourself at times.
“Do me a favor and stop asking for favors.” There are people in our lives who always seem to be asking for favors. Then again, the amount of time you spend asking others for favors could be re-channeled into doing it yourself – and then some. Oftentimes, they do not even consider how their requests or subtle demands inconvenience you. Make sure that you surround yourself with those who make you feel included and pay attention to your needs.
Does he consistently talk about things that do not even relate to you? I’m so bored of being bored because being bored is really boring. Does she often make you feel like an outsider? You may try to close the emotional distance between the two of you, but he still keeps you at arm’s length.
Believe it or not, terribly unhappy, insecure people take it personally when you achieve things in life or appear to be in love or happy. Speaking of which, why limit “happy” to an hour? Then again, it’s been said: The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the “pause-live-TV” button. It’s also been said: “Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner – just so they can have the last word.”
But truly, there are some who tragically do not want you to succeed at all. They may even feel directly in competition with you. Some deeply unhealthy “friends” may go so far as to undermine your accomplishments or try to sabotage your other relationships. And please do not self-sabotage. Is your mantra: Why wait for things to fail when you can make it happen? No, no.
It was observed: People only rain on your parade because they’re jealous of your sun and tired of their shade.
Sadly, there are many disingenuous and hollow-hearted people in this world. They may want to see you do well, but never better than them. Some try to ruin other people’s happiness just because they can’t find their own.
The truth is that no one heals themselves by wounding another. So you made a plan with her weeks in advance, but for some reason she canceled at the last minute, and did not even apologize for how her impulsivity affected you. Sorry I had to cancel at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn’t used before. Sheesh. So he flaked on you again? You know what they say: The only flakes you should put up with are the ones in your cereal bowl.
One minute you’re calm, and the next thing you know, you are catapulted into anger or torment over something she said or did. Wouldn’t you like to better hold on to inner serenity and stillness? It can be downright exhausting to be visited by powerful feelings that aren’t truly warranted.
He may have hurt your feelings, but do not allow your mind to convince you that this is highly damaging or dangerous to you. You can easily get triggered in the here and now by what happened to you in the “there and then.” Then again, home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
No sooner than you see that “happy parade” on Instagram that you feel fated to be unhappy and even unloved. There are so many reasons to feel agitated and vulnerable in this life. Her criticism is not evidence of doom and, no, you are not unacceptable. Listen, I believe the people who drive me crazy don’t quite understand how short that drive really is.
When you are a bit tired or low, you may be drawn to negativity precisely because it is so familiar. I’m so tired but I’ll probably be awake until 3:00 a.m. for no reason. You know what they say: Start each day with a positive thought like “I can go back to bed in 16 or 17 short hours.”
Confidence may not even feel “normal” to you at that time. Please do not befriend people who are constantly on the edge of emotionally harming you. It’s been said: “Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.”
How often does he make jokes at your expense? You observe the casual inhumanity that circulates all around you. She made another sarcastic comment. We know that the only reason people hurt us is because down deep they are not really well and are actually hurting themselves. Remind yourself that no one solid would ever do such a thing.
You may feel defenseless, sweet friends. But you in fact have the power. He may not apologize to you, but you can still feel at ease with yourself. Recover from the blow and do not become cruel like her. Pity her truly. Don’t idealize or denigrate others too much, please.
No one is entirely good or entirely bad. When you’re tired, do you not act out or make mistakes? Don’t turn against your friend the moment you discover her imperfections. We can all be strikingly disappointing in many ways. Accept him with his mystifying mixture of good and bad. If she is generally kind, then simply decide that, despite it all, she is good enough.
Learn to accept what is imperfect in yourself, and in him as well. Have no fear of perfection, my friends. You will never reach it.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
