Can you close your eyes and imagine a better life than the possibly demanding and difficult one you currently have? If you feel sad or sorrowful, you simply can’t fathom finding that new job or relationship. Some free job advice: If you don’t know what you’re doing, walk fast and look worried. Whenever you feel like quitting, remember how awful it is to write cover letters.
But you are not imprisoned by narrow circumstances, my friends. You do not have to stick with some script that you have been following your entire life. You know what they say: The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
Believe it or not, you are profoundly flexible. Many have had to rebuild their entire future. Try to mentally step outside of yourself and consider your life from a detached, emotionless perspective. We do not have to view things through our egotistic limited lens. Your mind can give you access to a wholly different perspective. It’s been said: If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
While it’s true that setbacks and stumbling blocks are at the heart of the human experience, be open to the fact that you can cope. The truth is that loneliness and alienation are universal, and no one fully understands anyone else. Of course, there is a substantial amount to feel sad about. But you, sweet friends, can focus on moments of joy, forgiveness, and love. After all, love is telling someone her hair extensions are showing. Oh, and what’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.
But truly, learn how to draw the value from all that is pleasurable and precious in your life. Appreciate simply being alive. Many of us worry incessantly about the future. What could go wrong? Declining physical health, abandonment, or financial ruin. The list goes on. There are always disquieting and distressing things going on in the world. The economy could collapse at any moment. Health can never be guaranteed. But just remember: The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
Thus, we can simply be fearful and fretting all of the time. Well, you know what they say: If your carriage turns into a pumpkin, call an Uber. Heck, Uber is just organized hitchhiking.
But seriously, you may have once been a defenseless child who worried constantly, and now you have a sense of foreboding about your future. What we need to do is allow ourselves to feel sad about the past. We must mourn our losses but move on eventually. You owe it to yourself to break the cycle of anxiety about what truly belongs to yesterday.
Planning is constructive, while simply brooding or tormenting yourself is trying to control what is uncontrollable. How many times have you reviewed unrealistic scenarios in your head over and over again? About that job… You know what’s more stressful than work? Being unemployed. Believe it or not, the overwhelming majority of things you worry about will not come to pass.
The mind does not like uncertainty. Thinking ahead can sometimes help you calculate possibilities, but making predictions about events that may never occur or troubling yourself about things that do not even matter will not allow you to live in the present moment. If we stay in the present, we can influence what lies ahead indeed, but we can never truly know or control it.
Try to assuage your blizzard of worry, my friends. Do not allow your mind to fixate on the boundless possibilities of horror or hysteria. Events from the past may indeed haunt you in adulthood. You may fear being shamed or abandoned in the here and now without any objective indication, because in the past – at a vulnerable time – perhaps you were.
It’s okay to feel a bit sorry for what your younger self went through, but you can adapt and latch onto good things in your present life. When faced with challenges, please do not overreact. Do not go on “silent mode.” Heck, my brain is giving me the silent treatment today. Ever give someone the “silent treatment” and they don’t even notice? Sheesh.
But truly, you need not feel powerless. We cannot remove all threats or risk from the world. Work on manageable pieces of your life. What can you do right now?
Chronic anxiety attacks your very immune system. Prioritize your mental hygiene. Fear and foreboding only generate more fear and foreboding. Let tomorrow worry about itself, sweet friends. It’s been said: There are always flowers for those who want to see them.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
