How often do you say, “I’m fine, thanks” — even when you are carrying so much inside of you? The truth is that you may be compassionate to everyone but your sweet self. What does your inner voice sound like? Is it highly critical every time you make a mistake?
Do you tend to dwell on your faults and flaws? Perhaps you become noticeably uncomfortable whenever anyone compliments you. You may feel awkward, as though you couldn’t possibly deserve it. If you feel guilty when you are simply taking care of yourself, you may need a crash course in self-kindness.
Many of us feel as though we just don’t measure up. He is so much more financially successful. She seems to have mothering down to a science. You know what they say: If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mother told you to do it from the start. But honestly, observe if you are constantly comparing yourself to others or hardly focusing on your own progress in life.
Have you learned to forgive yourself for past stumbles and slip-ups, or do you beat yourself up, feeling blemished? Feeling remorse is healthy, but learning from your mistakes is equally crucial.
Know what your needs are. Indeed, you have practical as well as emotional wants, wishes, and needs. Learn to express them clearly to loved ones whom you trust. When you accomplish a goal, please do not downplay it. It is, in fact, a big deal. Celebrate your small victories, sweet friends.
Try your hardest not to take things too personally, particularly when you receive constructive criticism. It’s human to feel hurt, but more important to learn from it if possible. If someone you trust is trying to help you grow, do not view their words as a personal attack.
Be aware of how you treat yourself. When you have a negative emotion, try not to blame yourself. Do not ignore your sadness or anxiety or desperately try to bottle it up somehow. It’s fine to distract yourself, but do address your feelings, please. What kind actions do you comfort and soothe yourself with?
Small acts of daily kindness are indispensable. Stop stressing about stress. Take a breath and take care of your sweet self. Enjoy a treat. The only exercise you get is running out of money? Take a gentle walk in nature or simply say “no” when you really cannot do that favor. And remember, it’s never too cold for ice cream. You know dieting is not a piece of cake.
But truly, you may tend to be self-critical too often or harsh on yourself. That will surely make anxiety feel heavier than it needs to be. When you notice that inner voice becoming unsympathetic, choose gentleness instead.
Do you feel guilty for taking a break or forgiving yourself for a past misdeed? Replace negative emotions with curiosity. Ask yourself why you feel bad for being good to yourself. Protect your energy, sweet friends. Strengthen your mental health and become your very own safe space. You are safe here. Unless, of course, there is a bug. Then you are on your own. So truly, just for today, try to worry a little less and laugh a little more.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
