In a cost-cutting move that tore at the heartstrings of the youngest Republicans in the MAGA kingdom, the Department of Government Efficiency laid off its mascot, putting it up for adoption.
“The Doge crypto coin was conceived from a dog meme and the title of the ruler of the medieval Venetian Republic,” said DOGE Chairman Lone Muss. “But the cost of keeping this pooch is unjustified. Do you know how many threats he’s received? How many Secret Service agents does it take to walk a Shiba Inu around the White house perimeter?”
Muss conceded that the pet had other factors counting against him, namely that Tonald Drump is among the few presidents who never owned a pet, despite his campaign’s advice that owning a dog could earn him ten more points in favorability at the polls.
“There’s also the false perception that this administration supports Ukraine as their Fella mascot is the same breed as the Doge pup,” Muss said.
Initially hoping to euthanize the dog with his trademark chainsaw, Muss agreed to give it up for adoption in deference to his three-year-old son, Zzyxx von Bismarck Muss.
By Sergey Brin
