Dating Today

And Who Are You?

Dear Goldy: I want to start out by saying that I like your column and enjoy reading about the...

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I received an email from someone who took me back in time five and a half years. This person quoted an article I had written after I had gotten married. She said that she, too, needed to change the way she was thinking about shidduchim. She said that after she recently made a decision about ending things with a fellow, she realized how wrong she was. She felt she was wrong in what she thought and what she did. I think all can learn from Leah. I’m not saying this because she read an article of mine, but because she reflected upon her actions and has now seen the light, as a matter of speaking.

Life is funny in that you never know if people whom you meet early in life will come back to “visit” you later in life in another type of role. Let me explain. My sister had a best friend while growing up. She and the best friend would get together all the time, every Shabbos in fact. The best friend had a cousin, and occasionally the cousin would be visiting, and so my sister would end up spending the afternoon with the best friend and her cousin. Fast forward many years later to my brother-in-law’s best friend getting married. Surprise! He married my sister’s childhood best friend’s cousin. So now my sister and the cousin have become really good friends and now see each other all the time – because of their husbands.

What happens when you are dating someone and you can’t stand something about him (or her)? Not that you are annoyed by something that he does and isn’t conscious of – like tapping a finger on a table when thinking or twirling a strand of hair around her finger. What if there was a big part of someone’s personality that you couldn’t stand and you didn’t think was right, but you don’t want to break up over that one thing – no matter how much you can’t stand it?

Before I actually begin writing this article, I want readers to know that I am well aware that this is a controversial issue and I am not shying away from it. Many single women are dealing with the issue you will read about in the article. I also know that there is a lot written on this topic, but I am just one person with a full-time job, family, and responsibilities. If you feel that I didn’t hit on some important points in this article, you may be correct, but know that I did visit several websites and read articles. If you would like to read more about this issue, you, too, can do research about it. Do not take my opinion as the final word or “actual news” on the topic. That being said, let’s begin.

My sister and I inherited our light eye color from our parents. My sister married someone with similar color eyes and now has four children with brightly colored eyes. I married someone with a darker eye color and have two children with gorgeous brown eyes. I used to joke that by marrying someone with brown eyes the family portraits will be ruined! But it was only a joke, and eye color didn’t stop me from dating or marrying my husband. Truthfully, I can’t imagine my little munchkins having any other eye color than their beautiful shade of hazel.