Dating Today

 I am going to publish an email from someone who feels hurt, but from my opinion she has every right to feel hurt. I do not know of many cases that this specific situation has happened, but I know of cases that come close, which I will mention in my response. I feel that this is an email that can be applied to first- or second-time daters, the mature and younger population, as well as both genders.

When two people are in a relationship, it’s best that they feel comfortable around each other, that they can act and be their true selves. So, too, the names we tend to call our loved ones have to feel natural and true. I was once walking in a flea market many, many years ago and heard a woman refer to her husband/boyfriend as “Poo Bear.” This man stood over six feet tall, had several tattoos and a face that apparently only his mother and this woman could love. He looked nothing like a “Poo Bear,” but that was what she called him, and that’s the name he answered to. For whatever reason, she felt that that particular name suited him. But what if you don’t know what to call your significant other?

 As the email writer writes, this is like something that you read about or see in a movie. But this is happening to her son in real life.

 I have often said that I should have been an accountant, because numbers always add up. One plus one always equals two, but when you start dealing with people, nothing seems to add up. Numbers are objective; people tend to be subjective. Everyone has different opinions – from art to politics – and their likes and dislikes may differ, as well, even among identical twins. They both may not love the taste of everything they eat or have the same opinion of everyone they meet. The phrase, “One man’s junk is another man’s garbage,” comes to mind and explains this perfectly.

 I’ve often written of a friend of mine throughout the years. I met him when a friend of mine and I were on a Shabbos Nachamu Shabbaton. We met by happenstance and kept in touch for the last ten years. Every few months, one of us calls or texts the other to catch up on life. My friend is a wonderful man. I have nothing bad to say about him; he’s charismatic, good looking, fun to be with, definitely has an outgoing personality, he wears his heart on his sleeve. But yet, he hasn’t met his bashert yet. I will refer to him as Eli. Eli is a gentleman – and I mean that in every sense of the word, in his mid-50s. He has been out with hundreds, I kid you not, hundreds of women; and because he does wear his heart on his sleeve, he’s had his heart broken more than a few times. He has told me the different stories over the years, and there is nothing to do other than to offer an ear and give support. Eli has come close to being a chasan a few times, but ultimately it wasn’t meant to be.

 I feel that many can relate to this issue. Even I can.