Queens Jewish Link
Connecting the Queens Jewish Community Dear Goldy: I went out a few times with a girl. The next thing I know, the shadchan calls and told me...
As I sometimes do, I will now break into my usually scheduled articles and insert this one because of the timeliness of the topics.
In life, people don’t stay the same. Your likes and dislikes may change from when you are a teenager to when you are a 40-year-old. Your perspective and opinion on things may evolve, as well. In the letter below, a young man writes that he is making some changes to his life; and while his girlfriend doesn’t mind him “changing,” she feels no need to make any changes to her life. The man is confused about what to do: Stay with this woman or try to find someone who shares his new hashkafah.
As I sometimes do, I will now break into my usually scheduled articles and insert this one because of the timeliness of the topics.
I’m baaaaaaack! I want to thank those who emailed and called me to ask why I wasn’t going to write anymore. Some emailed asking me to write again. I can’t even tell you how many people came over to speak with my father in shul about this. I also want to thank Yaakov Serle and Naftali Szrolovits for being persistent and not stop trying to woo me back. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to write; I just had no time. I had too many balls in the air, too many pots on the stove and I wasn’t able to handle it. Something had to be given up and, unfortunately, I chose one of the things that brought me so much joy. I loved reading the emails and writing the column, but I was breaking, and I thought that I had to let this go if I was going to be able to care for everything else in my life that mattered the way they should be cared for. But like a wise man told me many times, nothing worthwhile is easy, and give something to a busy person and it’ll get done; he or she will find the time. It’s hard, but I guess that’s what keeps life interesting: the juggle, the rush, the decision making. But here I am.
I guess I’m not a philosopher or someone who can teach others how to think of a situation in a new way. The fact that I have been trying to get people to approach shidduchim in a different way, a way of not calling everyone in the neighborhood or who taught at his or her school to find out information on the girl/guy, has been around for decades. It may not be the popular opinion, but I’m not the first person to speak about this. Not only do I speak about it, I live it as well. I met my husband at work. I knew what I knew about him from him. I talk the talk and walk the walk. Sometimes people get wrapped up in the “narishkeit” when it comes to shidduchim. That, too, has been around for a very long time, as well. Here are two emails from women who talked the talk long before I talked to my husband (then co-worker). Sometimes it’s better to lead by action instead of just telling others what to do.
As I have always written, I will get straight to the point. I will not be writing this column any longer – or at least for the foreseeable future. Between work, family, responsibilities, obligations, and just plain trying to have a life, I do not have the time needed to devote to answering email questions or writing what’s on my mind. Some have noticed and commented to me (or my father) that my column hasn’t been appearing in every issue. I had to cut back to writing bi-weekly instead of weekly. And now I see that I must stop altogether for now.
