Dating Today

Dear Goldy:

I’m 25 and “in the parshah.” I love your column and think you have done your best to cover all topics that are current, except one. The topic: people who have someone with special needs in their immediate family. My brother is on the autism spectrum. He’s highly functioning, but he still has the diagnosis. Very occasionally, that affects a shidduch for me and my other siblings. What I mean is, sometimes the shadchan is stupid (yes, I wrote “stupid” because that’s the only explanation) enough to tell me that the reason why a guy doesn’t want to date me or continue dating me is because of my brother. I know that the shadchan doesn’t mean that these people hate my brother; it means they are afraid that marrying into my family will give them the greater chance of having their own children with special needs. You may think that I’m exaggerating, but I’m not.

Dear Goldy:

I’m writing you because I don’t have the same self-confidence that you do. You’re not shy. You’re outspoken. You write your opinions and what you’ve said to men that you dated (I read your book). I want you to give me the confidence boost that I need in order to date.

Dear Goldy:

I’m a fan, so I figured I’d ask you this question:

I can’t tell you how many emails I have received regarding online dating: whether it was a good idea way back, when it really caught on in the frum dating community, or for how to get comfortable with dating through the computer during COVID, or for people scared of being catfished or having been catfished. To remind everyone what catfish is, it’s when a person takes information and images, typically from other people, and uses them to create a new identity for themselves. While you may think you are speaking with “Sarah,” a 33-year-old CPA from Brooklyn, it may actually be Moshe, a 55-year-old man from Chicago. I published an article over a year ago from a young man who was catfished by someone pretending to be her thinner, prettier cousin. So, there is a lot to think about when it comes to online dating.

I knew that I was opening up a can of worms when I published Debbie’s letter about the price of KGH real estate. The emails, text messages, as well as phone calls started that very Motza’ei Shabbos. Some were supportive, others were not. There is no right or wrong response or opinion about this issue. What I think most of the email writers and some of the texters (How did you all get my number, because I know I don’t know you, and I know you didn’t get it from my father) missed the entire point of my original article, regarding the subject matter and the letter published a couple of weeks ago: I love KGH. I think it is a wonderful community to grow up in and to raise a family in, but unfortunately, because of the jump in real estate prices, I can’t afford to stay – and I’m disappointed about that. That’s it. Simple. I don’t hate this town or those who have bought homes or have had homes bought for them here.

As many will remember, I published an article last year about how the neighborhood I grew up in and love will not be the neighborhood where my husband and I find our “forever home” because of the price of real estate. I am not here to argue about the quality of life in KGH or “well, that’s the price you pay for living in a frum community with several kosher groceries, shuls, yeshivos, mikva’os, etc.” I simply stated a fact then, and I am stating it again. The prices of the houses in Kew Gardens Hills (and in New York City) make it difficult for a “young” family to plant roots here. I still consider myself young; but here’s a fact that I’d like all of you who sent in the hate mail to know: