There is hardly anything more unstable and unpredictable than the weather in New York during March, April, and May.
One day in March, after a long and cold winter, it’s suddenly 80 degrees with bright sunshine. People are more than excited to discard their coats and enjoy the resplendent outdoors. We are all convinced that the worst of winter is behind us. But then, it proves to be wishful thinking when, two days later, a snowstorm buries the area in a few inches of snow. On Pesach, it can be warm, cold, hot, rainy, snowy, and humid – all on the same day. When we finally think the warm weather is here to stay in May, it gets chilly again. Freeze warnings are issued, and the heat is switched back on. Then, two days later, it gets hot again.
The good news is that, eventually, warm weather prevails and summer heat (and humidity) sets in.
I have often thought that spring weather in New York is an apt metaphor for this time period. During the seven weeks of S’firas HaOmer, we focus on improving our character and spiritually preparing ourselves to reaccept the Torah on Shavuos. But growth and change are a slow and arduous process. Setbacks and failures are inevitable and par for the course. In a society of instant coffee, microwave dinners, and instant messaging, we have little time or patience for processes. The reality, however, is that growth is never linear or unencumbered.
Davening on a Yom Tov morning warrants concentration and focus. After learning all Shavuos night, however, it is difficult to do so while fighting drooping eyes.
I recall many Shavuos mornings when I was committed to staying awake and remaining energized throughout davening. I stood for P’sukei D’Zimrah and even for Birchos K’rias Sh’ma. I was zoned in through Sh’moneh Esrei, Hallel, and the special leining of Matan Torah.
But then came the “silent killer” of Shavuos morning – the haftarah. The haftarah is from the first chapter of Sefer Yechezkel, which details the Maasei Merkavah – the “chariot” of G-d. Yechezkel was privy to a glimpse of the celestial world, which he describes in detail. The narrative is a bit lengthy. But the greater challenge is that it is esoteric and mystical, leaving us with a limited understanding of the words.
Year after year, I would sit down for the haftarah, assuring myself that I would not close my eyes for a moment. Somehow, by the time the haftarah ended, I was dozing off, with my head bobbing up and down like a spring.
I have tried over the years to learn that haftarah with some commentaries to help make some of the esoteric ideas metaphorically relatable. Although staying awake is still a challenge, it definitely makes it a bit easier (particularly if I push myself to stand even then).
One such pertinent idea has to do with a mystical description of the Chayos, a group of elite angels, who are described as running “ratzo va’shov – to and fro.” Although the literal meaning of this pasuk is esoteric, it is also used to describe two divergent components in serving Hashem. “Ratzo” refers to the desire of the neshamah to transcend physical limitations. “Va’shov” refers to returning to the physical world to engage with it.
Sefer Tanya compares the nature of the soul to a flame dancing atop a candle, as if trying to jump off the wick and ascend upward. It does so despite the fact that jumping off the wick would cause it to become extinguished. The soul craves to return to its heavenly source, even at the cost of forfeiting its physical existence.
Spiritually, ratzo va’shov is the oscillation, the yin and yang of the soul between running toward G‑d, as it were, and returning to the physical world to live practically and contend with the vagaries of life. (Rebbe Nachman and Sefer Tanya elaborate upon this concept.)
Living in this world requires us to figure out how to balance these two opposing forces. The reality is that one is not always in the more desired state of ratzo. One must also be able to contend with va’shov, living practically within the challenges life presents.
At weddings, when people dance in a circle, they often stomp with one foot inward toward the center of the circle and then step outward more lightly. This, too, reflects our constant efforts to ascend the ladder of spirituality. We make a concentrated effort to “step in,” pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zone. That is immediately followed by a step outward, reminding us that growth will include pushbacks and falling back on old habits. But then we immediately step inward again with force, not allowing ourselves to become exasperated with the process. (Isn’t that what everyone is thinking while doing that dance?)
We have just completed counting “sheva Shabbasos t’mimos” – seven weeks that are t’mimos. T’mimos doesn’t mean perfect. Rather, it means consistent. Perhaps there were days when we felt we were cruising along the road to greatness, and nothing could stop us. But then there were other days when we felt defeated and full of self-doubt. Yet, even those harder days are counted.
Shavuos is the culmination of our seven-week efforts: the good days, the bad days, and even the ugly days. As long as we are consistent in our counting, we will arrive at our destination.
Perhaps that early Shavuos morning davening is itself reflective of this process. During parts of the davening, we may feel excited, like “we got this,” only to find ourselves completely exhausted moments later. That is the process of growth. Don’t let it get you down. Keep climbing, and eventually, you’ll get to the summit of Har Sinai.
And when you do, make sure to celebrate with a well-deserved piece of cheesecake (even if Shavuos is already over).
Rabbi Dani Staum is a popular speaker, columnist, and author. He is a rebbi in Heichal HaTorah in Teaneck, New Jersey, principal of Mesivta Orchos Yosher in Spring Valley, New York, and a member of the administration of Camp Dora Golding. His writings can be found at strivinghigher.com. Looking for an inspirational speaker or scholar-in-residence? Contact Rabbi Staum at 845-641-5094 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
