Do you actually appreciate small things in your life? Which ones? The quiet, undramatic walk with your best friend? The first sip of coffee in the morning before reality hits? That cozy little afternoon nap? I know. You already want to take a nap tomorrow. Believe it or not, these matter more than you may think.
People have developed never-ending appetites for stimulation and excitement. Are you in that dramatic mood where no Wi-Fi feels like the apocalypse? You can find yourself in the most stunning and sublime setting but within minutes find yourself restless or bored.
The truth is that the more challenging your life becomes, the more you truly learn about love and life. At times of uncertainty and unrest, you may find yourself seeking those moments of calm and even an unexciting afternoon with your friend.
When things become difficult or demanding, you can develop a newfound respect for simply resting and reading that novel or gardening. People who have been diagnosed with severe illness or those who have severe career upheavals oftentimes appreciate that double-scoop ice cream cone on a hot summer’s day. Do you notice when the flowers blossom and bloom?
If you have suffered ill fate or cruelty, you are keenly aware of the fragility of everything in this life. When was the last time you tried to discover the simple wonders of this world, sweet friends?
Have you ever been particularly grateful after a wedding or event when nothing went dramatically wrong? Do you find yourself drawn to hypersensitive relationships and friendships where you’re never quite sure if you are truly loved? You may even break up only to make up every few months.
You may need to learn to make your peace with a calm, ordinary life. Well-meaning friends may accuse you of leading a boring, unexciting, uneventful life. They invite you to fancy dinners or expensive excursions simply to post them for all to see.
It takes kindness to oneself to let go of the need to feel special and exceptional. Perhaps you’ve become incurably addicted to stimulation and outer approval. You find yourself comparing yourself unfavorably to pretty much anyone who walks the earth.
Self-absorption and inordinate pleasure-seeking have become the norm. You may constantly push aside self-exploration and inner development for socially sanctioned ideals. Perhaps you crave the approval of a parental figure at work. You find yourself parroting opinions about dating rituals or viruses that you vehemently disagree with out of fear of criticism and condemnation.
Connect with your own interests and prioritize yourself at times. Stop worrying about the opinions of strangers. Wonder what you truly wish to do next in your life. Some days you want a participation trophy for just getting through the day. I get it. You could potentially never get a definitive seal of approval, but that is all right.
Develop faith in yourself, sweet friends. Incorporate new habits into your daily routine. You can then turn those habits into realized goals someday. Listen, I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can cross them out. You know what they say: If at first you don’t succeed, try a bottle opener. It’s probably not a twist top. But truly, you will need a strong foundation of discipline.
If you wish to be less negative, you must mentally train as if you were in the gym. Start with the two-pound weights. I know your favorite sport is ‘track’: Tracking your online orders. But seriously, make your goals achievable and start small. Don’t simply wish and hope. Make your actions intentional. Hold yourself accountable by having to answer to a close friend.
A short walk is better than no walk. Do not wait for inspiration. Reinforce a sense of accomplishment by celebrating your small victories. Just remember there are two things you get every day when you wake up: A chance and a choice.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Woodmere. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
