How to Turn Anxiety into Your Greatest Advantage
On Sunday night, November 23, Let’s Get Real with Coach Menachem featured a virtual talk with Dr. David H. Rosmarin, PhD, Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School, founder of the Center for Anxiety, author, and speaker.
Coach Menachem noted that anxiety appears on a spectrum. It can be mild nervousness, or it can be extreme, such as panic attacks. He posed important questions: When is anxiety normal? When does someone need therapy? When is medication required?
Dr. Rosmarin began by addressing the popular belief that anxiety would disappear if a person had more money. He said that psychologically, clinically, and spiritually, the answer is almost always no. If you have more demands than resources, there is stress, which is normal. Money does help with financial strain, but anxiety is not merely about bills. It is about uncertainty, responsibility, and meaning. It is about caring deeply. It is about whether you feel any sense of control over your life. He explained that he has met people with little money who are deeply grounded, and people with great wealth who are not grounded at all.
He shared that almost his entire caseload consists of wealthy individuals. They live in what appears to be a secure world, but internally they know it is not secure. Many wealthy people attempt to reduce anxiety by spending in an effort to control outcomes and make life predictable. Those with fewer financial options often have no choice but to experience anxiety, accept it, and learn from it.
Over the past 20 years, through working with more than ten thousand individuals at the Center for Anxiety and through research at Harvard Medical School, Dr. Rosmarin developed a four-step approach to managing anxiety.
He explained that there are two forms of anxiety. Healthy anxiety is part of being human. It signals that you are facing uncertainty and that you care about responsibilities. Hashem created humans with the capacity to feel anxiety for a purpose. When healthy anxiety is absent, something is wrong. The second form is clinical anxiety. This category includes severe conditions that interfere with daily functioning. Clinical anxiety that is not severe can still make it difficult to be present in relationships, to stay regulated, to sleep, and to function. He stressed that suicide is currently the second leading cause of death for individuals under age 35.
He emphasized that anxiety is fundamentally about uncertainty. When a person accepts that uncertainty is part of life, the anxiety itself becomes more manageable. The four steps, he noted, can help those with normal anxiety. Those with more serious anxiety may also benefit, though professional guidance is needed.
He stated clearly that these steps are not a replacement for therapy or medication. If anxiety prevents functioning, the individual needs to consult a professional.
The Four Steps
Identify: Clarify what you are actually worried about. Is it work, bills, family, or the future. You must probe beneath the surface. Ask yourself what is truly at the root of the fear. Use anxiety as a path toward self-awareness.
Share: Confide in a trusted person. Speaking openly with a supportive friend or family member reduces isolation and allows validation.
Embrace: Face the thing that creates anxiety. Visualize it and, when appropriate, confront it gradually. This strengthens emotional capacity. Avoidance increases adrenaline and intensifies the anxiety response.
Let Go: Accept what you cannot control and focus on what you can change.
He explained that speaking about anxiety creates connection, which weakens anxiety because a person no longer faces it alone. He also noted that, biologically, anxiety activates the adrenal glands, which release adrenaline into the bloodstream. When a person tries to escape the feeling of anxiety, adrenaline increases and the symptoms worsen.
To illustrate, he described a driver being pulled over by police. Attempting to escape intensifies the situation. Acceptance diffuses it. Similarly, learning to allow anxiety, rather than fighting it, builds resilience.
He clarified that stress and anxiety differ. Stress is a natural part of life. Some stresses can be reduced by letting go of responsibilities that are too heavy, while anxiety stems from the unknown.
Dr. Rosmarin stated that every human being experiences anxiety at some point. The real question is not whether anxiety will occur, but how a person will respond. He closed by offering a brachah that listeners find the strength and clarity to use the right tools, whether his four-step method, therapy, or medication, and that they live a life of connection.
Dr. Rosmarin can be reached at www.dhrosmarin.com/centerforanxiety.
