Asking For Help
Dear Editor:
I am not writing on behalf of my own family alone.
I represent five other families I know who are in the same situation. They realized it was me who wrote a month ago asking for help—help because KGH families with special needs children have nowhere else to turn. I appealed to the community. Do you know what it takes for a person to admit they can’t handle their own family? That the situation is bigger than they can manage? We are always told to ask for help, so I asked, and my plea fell on deaf ears. But I am asking again. If not for me, then for the other families.
In plain English, Hamaspik asked me to appeal to anyone I know in KGH to become respite workers to help families in need. I wrote in, my letter was published, and I followed up with my child’s caseworker. I was told not one call came in to the Intake department from anyone asking to become a respite worker in the Queens area. I am heartbroken and disappointed, and I don’t know where else to turn.
Yes, we have applied for every program our children are eligible for. They attend good schools with teachers and therapists doing their best. We receive at-home services and equipment for sensory and cognitive delays. But what we need is human help.
I am dreading Yeshiva Week—as are my friends in the same position. Our children are off from school, we still have to work, and my child with special needs is home too. She was off for Chanukah, Christmas week, and now Yeshiva break. It feels like she is home more than in school. I cannot find a respite worker, mature or young, available that week. There is no special program for her, and even the community’s informal programs are not running. The times when our children are off from school are when help from our neighbors is needed most.
There are no Shabbos programs, no weekday programs where a child can be taken out for an hour so a parent can rest. But how can I rest when all my other children are home? Even an hour or two would help.
Forget about going to places like the American Dream Mall or a trampoline park. My daughter runs from attraction to attraction, and I need constant supervision to keep her safe. At the same time, I want to be present for my other children. Forget about traveling, even locally. My husband has to work, and I can’t manage it all alone.
I don’t have a dozen children. I have four: 14, 12, 7, and my special needs daughter who is 5. I cannot ask my older children to be caretakers on vacation. They deserve to enjoy their childhood. They already do more than their fair share at home.
When my cousins or their friends invite my children out for a day of fun, I’m grateful—but I cry, because I want to be the one taking my children out. None of us imagined planning family life around respite workers, therapy schedules, and services. Parenting is already the hardest job in the world. This makes it harder.
Do you know how it feels to gather the courage to write to your own community for help and then be told, “Not one call came in”? My heart sank.
Just the thought of having all my children home without help gives me anxiety. I speak to a therapist about this. I meet other families with special needs children because there are more eyes watching the kids, and the siblings connect with others in similar situations. But sometimes I just want it to be us.
My husband cannot take off from work. He would if he could. I’m lucky to have a cousin who can help me sometimes. But my friend has no family in KGH. On Shabbos, when there are no groups, she struggles. Her child wakes up around 5 a.m. and runs nonstop until bedtime. Her only break is the bathroom—and even then, there is knocking at the door. She just wants to walk around the block to clear her head, but who will watch the kids for even five minutes?
We love our children. I would choose my daughter again and again. She brings us joy, nachas, and love. But to be good parents to all our children, we need a break.
I have not been away from home overnight in over six years, except once—when my mother was in the hospital before she passed away. That was not a vacation. I am exhausted. I am on call 24/7.
No education can prepare you for raising a child with special needs. Yes, the rewards are great. Hashem chose us for this role. But my other children just want “normal” lives like their friends. I cry for them. I feel like my husband and I are doing this alone.
A dear friend of mine, like a sister, lives out of state. She cannot offer physical help, but she has offered financial support for anything insurance won’t cover. I would gladly pay $25 an hour for a responsible person to play with my daughter or accompany us on trips—but no one can commit.
Two weeks ago, I met a woman in shul with a child who clearly had special needs. She told me she usually had a respite worker, but the worker moved out of state. She has siblings nearby who help when they can, but she hasn’t been able to find a replacement. She posted in WhatsApp groups, Facebook, and her shul’s website—no responses.
She is now experiencing what many of us live with every day: no outside help.
My next step may be to hire a non-Jewish respite worker. A neighbor did this because she couldn’t find help for Shabbos and yomim tovim. It took adjustment, but it works. Maybe I need to do the same.
It makes me sad that I have to look outside the community for help when we speak so much about Am Yisroel helping each other. We have Hatzolah, Bikur Cholim, Tomchei Shabbos, and so many organizations. But what about parents like us?
I feel let down. We are isolated—not because we choose to be, but because we have no break. We work harder at maintaining our families and relationships because of the lives we lead. We are on the outside looking in.
Please don’t advise us on how to apply for more services. We already have services. What we need is rest.
For ten days, there is no school, no respite program, no Shabbos groups, and no after-school groups. I will put work on hold for a day or two—but I still need help.
I am appealing to Am Yisroel. If you can give even two hours a week to babysit a child whose parents desperately need rest, please contact Hamaspik or a similar organization. You can get paid while doing a mitzvah. Being paid does not make it any less chesed.
I am here 24/7—at 3 a.m. and at 11 p.m., for meetings, appointments, and therapies. I am pulled in every direction. How can I be the best version of myself for my husband and children if I am this depleted?
There is no one to leave my daughter with for a full 24-hour break, and I would never send her away just so I can rest. She is an integral part of our family. I just need a few hours.
Please publish this. So many families in KGH and the greater Queens area need help. If we can’t turn to our own community, who can we turn to?
A loving, but overwhelmed Mommy
Gratitude for Security Support
Dear Editor:
I would like to extend our gratitude and appreciation to the NYC Police Department, Queens Shmira, and our local community and political representatives for their tireless work before and during the Thursday night event “Israel Real Estate” given by Yoni Gold, USA representative for Tivuch Shelly.
The NYC Police Department under the leadership of Commissioner Jessica Tisch was well represented by various departments in the planning and implementation that evening.
We are grateful for each and every NYPD Officer.
I am grateful to Steve Chernigoff, our Security Volunteer Chair at the Young Israel of Kew Gardens Hills, for his active leadership and input in the preparation and execution that evening.
Stuart Verstandig
Immediate Past President, YIKGH
Your Investigative Reporter
Dear Editor:
Thank heaven for wonderful sons-in-law who walk their computer (What’s the opposite of savvy?) ignorant mothers-in-law through printing boarding passes and Global Entry interviews. I don’t think Maduro had to go through all those directions from Venezuela to New York. Anyway, as your investigative reporter, I decided to go to Florida and find out why everyone is moving there. I hope to be like Joshua and Caleb and not like the other 10 meraglim.
First of all, I was fortunate enough to get an Israeli agent for my Global Entry interview. The only response I got wrong was my name. I replied Deborah Horowitz to his seemingly simple question, and he responded, “No, it’s Deborah Judith Horowitz.” It was the first time I heard any reference to my middle name, and I actually like it. After the two-minute interview, it took an hour to go to the train, proceed one stop and get information about what gate to go to.
So here’s the scoop on Miami Beach. If I were to assign grades—after all I’m a teacher first—the weather, shopping and boardwalk all get an A+. The water is the bluest of blue, especially compared to the water in Far Rockaway. The only problem are the traffic lights. I could have knitted a sweater in the time the red light turned green. I wasn’t crazy about crossing on a red light since most of the drivers are former New Yorkers. But the bottom line, aside from the great exercise in walking the boardwalk, New York is just fine, and Florida is not my cup of tea.
Debbie Horowitz
Joe “Beacon Of Light” Biden
Dear Editor:
In Warren Hecht’s column this past week, he stated that “We (the United States) have gone from the beacon of light to the world to the bully of the world in less than one year.” The jury is still out on Trump’s actions re: Venezuela, but as Mr. Hecht says it’s only been a year since Joe Biden’s “beacon of light” tenure concluded and it appears Mr. Hecht is suffering from selective amnesia, specifically covering the years 2021–2025. Were we a beacon of light to the other nations when we hastily and recklessly withdrew from Afghanistan letting the Taliban back into power and getting 13 servicemen killed? Were we a beacon of light when Putin capitalized on Biden’s obvious weakness and invaded Ukraine? Or perhaps it was the open Southern border that led to tens of millions of illegals invading our country that Mr. Hecht remembers so fondly? Was it the record inflation Mr. Hecht has a longing for? Let me explain something: the entire world saw the man occupying the Presidency of the United States was suffering from obvious symptoms of dementia. This is not a debatable point; certainly not after Biden did his best Abe Simpson impersonation at the June 2024 debate with Trump. And all the stories of his inability to hold cabinet meetings, and the subsequent abuse of his autopen just confirmed the sham we all already knew about.
The United States has an important role to play on the world stage. But a superpower without a sentient leader is akin to an airplane without a pilot. The mainstream media tried for 4 years to cover up Biden’s cognitive failures but it was all out there for the world to see. So no, Mr. Hecht, we were not a beacon of light during the Biden presidency; those were in fact, dark, troublesome times.
Jason Stark
Selective Law Obedience
Dear Editor:
Can the Democrat Party please give us a list of laws that they deem to be acceptable to follow? President Biden completely ignored all federal immigration law. The result of that was over 12 million illegals crossed our borders. Now that President Trump has not only closed the border but is actively trying to remove the criminal illegals from our midst, the Democrat Party attacks law enforcement. The attacks range from vile name calling “Gestapo” or “storm troopers” to physical assault of the officers, whose job it is to arrest and remove illegal aliens.
These actions rile up the left-wing base and they follow suit. There are now hundreds of thousands that are going after federal law enforcement agents. It is quite sickening to hear elected Democrats, whether from Congress or State Governors or Mayors, whine that the agents have masks on. If they did not have a target on their backs and their families were not being doxed, then there would be no need for the masks. The hypocrisy though isn’t lost on us. After all, in the summer of 2020, when the riots throughout the country were out of control, when arson and looting were prevalent, masks were worn by almost every perpetrator. Once again, the Democrats are out to protect the criminal and make law enforcement the “bad guy.”
Unfortunately, selective law obedience is not just a Democrat Party issue. In our own local Jewish community, we seem to have this same problem. Traffic laws are not being adhered to. Stop signs are optional and speed limits are mere suggestions. In the Five Towns, just two weeks ago, a gentleman driving his car on a one lane in each direction street with a double yellow line was hit and killed by a car that crossed the double yellow and hit him straight on. Our children watch what we do and learn from us. Whether it’s going to shul on time, learning, Shabbos zmiros and yes, our driving habits as well. Driving is not a right; it is a privilege. As we saw last week in Minneapolis, a car can be a weapon. They are dangerous when not used properly. Leave a few minutes early if you’re worried about running late. I urge all of us, me included, to drive more defensively and follow all traffic laws.
Shalom Markowitz
