Dating Today

 I truly believe the email writer when she writes that she is trying to help a co-worker. I don’t think the dilemma is hers. I think she wants to help her “co-worker.” But sometimes you will find out that one doesn’t necessarily want or need advice, but is completely happy in an unhealthy relationship. And I think the email writer should realize that her co-worker does not really want her situation to change because she continues to give ultimatums and deadlines to the boyfriend; deadlines pass and the co-worker never follows through on the ultimatums she herself set.

 We all know the feeling of being involved in an argument and having the greatest one liner, a real zinger. But instead of having your mic-drop moment where you can leave knowing you had indeed won the argument or proven your point, you say nothing. The comment would be 100% truthful, but would hit below the belt. You would be the victor - but at what price? Making someone feel bad or by embarrassing them? Is it worth the pain that the other person may feel so you can have your mic-drop moment? Think about it. Life goes on and this moment will be a blip or less than a blip on your radar in a year or two. But the other party may feel the aftershocks of what is now a distant memory for you in the years to come. The comment may be embarrassing, something they wanted no one to know. Maybe they told you in confidence, maybe you found it out through unnamed but very reliable sources (aka loshon hora), but your rational side, the side not involved in this argument, knows that this statement is better left unsaid for so many reasons.

It appears that some of my most recent articles have been hot topics, the first being my Dear John letter to the neighborhood I love – emphasis on the word “love.” Another article was the letter Chaya wrote to me about thinking that her dream of living life as a kollel wife has gone up in smoke because of the financial effects COVID has had on her parents’ savings and, added to that, it appeared that Chaya wanted her parents to stop helping her siblings who were already living the kollel life. “If they can’t help me, they shouldn’t help them either” is what her letter sounded like.

Dear Goldy:

I am so frustrated! I don’t know if I’m dating the wrong type of men or if this is how men are acting now, but I can’t stand it. The last few guys I went out with never seemed like they were in a rush for anything having to do with dating. For work, I’m sure they were on time, and I’m sure they were never late for dinner, as my mom says; but when it came to dating, they were very S…L...O…W, relaxed if you will, not in any rush. And it was more than just being cautious and careful about choosing the right person to date and marry; it was like they almost couldn’t be bothered with dating.

I like to give credit where it is due, and if I quote a movie, song, or teacher, I mention the source. This time, however, forgive me that I do not remember the source of what I am about to write about. All I remember is that it is a male comedian, and it was one of his sets called, “I Tried My Best.”

Last week, I published a letter from a young woman named Chaya who needed to vent and asked for advice.