Do you ever find yourself wrestling with feelings toward someone in your life? If there was a troubling person in your past, what would you like to say to them now? Perhaps a parent neglected you. A friend may have betrayed you at some point.
We tend to ruminate a great deal about the unpleasant people in our past and in our lives: your difficult boss, a challenging coworker, or that depleting friend. You fantasize about giving him a taste of his own medicine. Sure, you say you’re not a vengeful person, but you’re a firm believer in karma—and you’re willing to help it along. Uh-oh.
You would love nothing more than to tell her how you really feel about her. But instead, you find yourself returning to these negative thoughts at 3:00 a.m.
You fear being vulnerable or even having those same people turn against you for speaking your mind. But those feelings, sweet friends, remain within you. They may lend a negative quality to your entire existence.
It’s been said: “I tried to drown my sorrows, but those critters learned how to swim.” Sometimes you simply need to say what you need to say. If you cannot say it to your boss, please find a trusted confidant. Express your anger and pain in a calm, healthy way to someone who will guide you or help you cope with underlying, unresolved feelings.
Find an attentive listener who allows you to, once and for all, feel heard. You may spend a great deal of time appeasing and smiling when you truly want to escalate into unmanageable rage.
Perhaps you lack knowledge as to how to communicate well. You are allowed to stand up for yourself without coming across as privileged. Learn how to assert your needs lovingly and politely. Yes, you can make a point without making an enemy.
We can all be heavily distorted by our past and prone to irrational assumptions about others and even ourselves. Yes, we will inevitably disappoint one another. But please do not stifle your emotions, sweet friends. Explore them authentically and gently instead. And yes, it’s alright to be weird at times. Remember, it’s been said: “You have to be odd to be number one.”
Do not describe him categorically as “bad” or “awful.” Learn how to say, “I feel...” instead of “You are...” Try saying, “I feel neglected when you do not pay attention to me.” Do not act out in anger because you failed to express your true emotions.
Lower your expectations, please, and allow for disappointment and frustration in your relationships and life. Alas, they are inevitable. Allow negative emotions to wash over you, and please release them rather than soaking in them.
Someone once said: “We are all a little broken, but the last time I checked, broken crayons still color the same.” Accept the child within you and do not be ashamed of being needy, please. Stop needing a proud hold on your stature or image. It’s easy to redirect blame to our loved ones. Don’t.
“Arguing with me is pointless; I knew I was wrong ten minutes ago.” Uh-oh. You should always feel safe to openly communicate with him. You need not take on a whole new persona simply to impress her. Maintain your own identity always. Forgive her for small mistakes. Don’t forget to show affection, sweet friends. Make her lunch and notice how she responds.
Be committed to your friends and loved ones. It’s okay to be human. It was once observed: “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you’ll make one.”
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Woodmere. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
