How much time do you spend making sure you come across to people as “normal”? Eventually, life tests all of us, and we end up in a situation with which we have great difficulty simply coping.
This may even destroy your capacity for reason and certainly for calmness and serenity. Perhaps something happened in your friendship or relationship. You may become overwhelmed at work. And suddenly you lose perspective and all sense of tranquility.
You feel as though you are in uncharted waters and have no way out. Who do you turn to at times like this? Your thoughts may become dismal and distressing. At times like this, no matter how fiercely independent you are, do not isolate.
I know you never feel quite as alone as when you try to put sunscreen on your back. But truly, take your friend or someone you trust into your confidence. Some things simply cannot be managed alone. You may be embarrassed to reveal your vulnerability or what you perceive as weakness. But there are times you truly may need to depend on him or her.
“I need an assist, preferably one that involves you doing most of the work.” Okay, not that. Tell her if you feel overwhelmed, as though you are being swallowed up. Tell him you do not know how to cope with this burden. You can borrow her mind while your own may be weakened and worn out.
Your friend may be more adept at dealing with the messiness of life at the moment. “Help me choose snacks—it’s urgent.” But truly, you may have to sacrifice a bit of ego and allow her to see you cry or hear you admit to that embarrassing thing you did.
The truth is that your loved ones want to feel needed. Do not underestimate that. Some of us long to be able to help, support, and sustain our family and friends. Hopefully, your friend will help you find some perspective, or simply validate your deep feelings. Indeed, help me not lose my mind today.
Who do you reach out to on the worst days of your life, sweet friends? It may seem at times that no one really cares. Some barely notice you when you are right in front of them. He may not even catch any of your hints. She always seems preoccupied with her own life.
“Help me understand why people act like people.” But seriously, please do not make heartbreaking or harrowing assumptions about your situation. Find those who are keen to help when you are in need. You may have to state your needs in a very clear and straightforward way.
“Assist me in not throwing my phone.” If your true friends know how desperate you may be feeling, they will surely attempt to hold you up and be a source of strength. Speaking of which, help me avoid awkward small talk. But honestly, remind yourself how fragile we humans truly are. None of us gets through this life by our own wits alone.
Please ask for a helping hand, sweet friends. You are not desperate or debilitated. You are human. Even casual acquaintances may at times drop what they are doing to assist. People cannot read your mind when you are in trouble.
You are not incompetent, and you most certainly are not a burden to those who care about you. Maybe your struggle is temporary. You may just need emotional or mental health support. You do not have to do it all. Do not be a martyr.
Struggling alone is not a badge of honor. “Heck, I’m on the patch right now. It’s a chocolate patch.” But seriously, don’t worry about what she thinks of you. Let go of control, please. Those who are strongest risk vulnerability and admit that they need a pick-me-up at times. Are you feeling confused, frustrated, or overwhelmed? If so, explore why you are hesitant to ask for assistance.
Challenge those thoughts and just do it. Ask him for a small favor at first. Ask her for something tangible. Lighten your load and please do use the support system that you have. It’s been said: Life will always throw you curveballs. It’s your job to swing the bat.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Woodmere. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
