Do you believe that you are psychologically evolving? Do you value “growth”? Perhaps you don’t even know what that means to you. Trust me, you are not alone. Most of us respond to events in our present based on situations in our past.
You may bear within you assumptions or judgments about him based on past feelings of your own rejection or fear. But with the proper training, you can learn to examine your first response to things and learn that things tend to be a bit more complicated than you imagine.
Many of our immediate responses are quite unhealthy. Her mistake may have been entirely unintentional, and for once, perhaps it wasn’t his fault after all. They say: To make a mistake is human. To blame it on someone else—that’s even more human. Some of us look for fault as if there were a reward for it. Maybe you misunderstood her intentions or what he truly meant by that remark.
We must learn to ask ourselves tough questions, sweet friends. Am I using my work as a way of avoiding my feelings about my relationship? Do I distract myself with shopping, social media, or sports as a way of escaping things I am afraid to face? I know. You’re not a shopaholic. You’re just helping the economy, right? Then again, people will buy anything when it’s “one to a customer.”
Are you at times afraid to show your real self to others? If you are too certain or view most things as an open-and-shut case, you may not be growing much at all. How often do you actually say: “I don’t know”?
Take time to accept how fragile we all truly are. Do not hide your anxiety or vulnerability from the ones you trust. Sadly, much growth comes about from pain or loss. If you feel that your skills and talents are set in stone, you may have a fixed mindset. If, however, you view yourself as a work in progress, you have what is known as a growth mindset.
Take on new challenges, sweet friends. It’s alright to struggle and strive. Do you wish to improve or simply preserve your current standards in life? You can certainly help others achieve their goals as well. It will foster your own desire to improve and better yourself.
Keep learning. When was the last time you explored a new hobby or interest? You know what they say: If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. Take a step outside of your comfort zone. Dedicate time and effort to things in your life that you value.
Make sacrifices for your future. Learn from people whom you admire or who have found success in areas you appreciate. Find a mentor or role model. Do not put all that unnecessary pressure on yourself. You need not be perfect. But do say to yourself often: “I can do it.” If you fail, say to yourself: “I can do better.” And you will.
Track your progress in life so that you can literally see yourself evolving and gaining ground. And do not measure your progress using someone else’s ruler. Then again, it’s been said: I’m not saying progress is bad, but have you ever tried to use a touchscreen with wet fingers? But truly, include yourself in the list of things you need to take care of today.
Do you allow yourself downtime? It is healthy and even needed to ensure a balanced lifestyle. Self-development can sometimes feel like an invisible process. Please take note of the small ways in which you have bettered yourself. Remember to count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms.
Do you realize your own potential? If you feel fulfilled and appreciate your life, you are on the right track. Indeed, life can be messy, and perhaps your situation right now is unstable. You must learn to take care of your own needs without becoming too overwhelmed. If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago.
Learn to look forward to little things like a coffee date with your best friend or a pickleball game with the guys. Speaking of pickleball, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Acknowledge your past, but please do live in the present. Learn how to process your feelings.
Your growth is a continuous, constant process. Trust me, there is no finish line. Always believe that you are able to improve yourself. What are you doing today to get started on your journey of self-discovery?
And please keep in mind that some days the bravest thing you will do is to keep going. As always, remember that laughter is like a windshield wiper. It doesn’t stop the rain, but it allows you to keep going.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
