Why do some friendships and relationships make it while others don’t? If you ask anyone in a close relationship, they will surely tell you that they set out wanting to make things work. Have any of your long-term friendships simply dissolved or faded away?
She said that her break-up was due to religious differences. He thought he was G-d; she didn’t. Uh-oh. Then again, they say that relationships are like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and thought Y?
Perhaps we should try to understand more fully how and why break-ups happen. Have your political views driven you away from others as of late? You know what they say:
Why pay money to have your family tree traced? Go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. But truly, you may feel that some connections have become stale and past their “sell by” date.
One of the most painful things in life is feeling as though we are simply not being heard. Does he allow you to have your unique point of view? Is she indifferent to things that are very important to you?
When something that is extremely significant to you is disregarded by him, you will most likely feel that you are not being acknowledged or esteemed. Being unheard can feel agonizing at times. It’s all right if she does not agree with you about everything. However, when your views are met with indifference by her, it simply may be too much to bear.
Feeling unseen can be excruciatingly lonely. He may not always be able to do what you want, but does he even hear what you want? You may simply want her to give a degree or drop of empathy for your dreams and aspirations.
Some of his needs may run in a different direction. That is all right so long as he truly listens to you. She need not even agree with you about every little thing. But does she give off signs that she is truly listening to you? When he says, “I understand,” do you believe him? Does he really? How do you know?
It deserves to be known that you need not be stunning or wealthy in order to be happy in your relationship. You want to perfect the natural “no make-up” look? Oh, you’ll need these 28 cosmetic products. And as far as wealth goes, it’s been said: This would be a much better world if couples were in love as much as they are in debt. Listen, the worst thing about rich people is that I’m not one of them.
But seriously, please make your loved ones feel seen and heard. Do learn to say: “I can see that this means a great deal to you…” If you want your friendship to last, please accept the validity of her hopes and dreams.
Sure, you can remember his birthday and even go for therapy, but have you ever learned how to truly listen? Can you really take her feelings on board? Can you tolerate an opposing view about something without getting aggressive or defensive?
Does he make you feel like a VIP? Very Ignored Person? Friendships and relationships need not be friction-free, sweet friends. As they say: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Listen, my husband and I just had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting.
Don’t you all love that friend that you don’t have to act socially acceptable around? You go together like cupcakes and frosting. Want to lose weight with cupcakes? Simply weigh yourself while holding 50 cupcakes, put the cupcakes down – and weigh yourself again. Tada.
But truly, your friendship will be assured despite your flaws. It’s been said: It’s not what we have in life, but whom we have in our life that matters.
The truth is that way too many people are trying to find the right person instead of being the right person. Want your friendships and relationships to stand the test of time? Do what you did in the beginning – and chances are, there won’t be an end.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
