Dating Today

There are some things we have control over in our lives: who our friends are, the clothes we wear, what profession we’re in. But there are things in life you can’t choose, and one is your family. We’ve all heard the phrase, “You can choose your friends, but not your family.” This letter is all about that topic, but it’s not what you may think. No one is complaining that he/she is or isn’t related to someone for shidduch purposes. This is a letter having to do with family that really has no bearing whatsoever regarding who the person dating is. If you ask me, it’s ridiculous. And you’ll read my response stating exactly that.

Dear Goldy:

It sounds weird to begin a letter like this, but I will. I’m a Jew and I’m not embarrassed by our mitzvos or minhagim. When my co-workers said I was too young and never had the chance to live or be young and crazy when I got engaged, I took it all with a smile. They didn’t understand that we get engaged and married young. We’re married with kids by the time they figure out they want to settle down. Do they know something we don’t? Is it better to get married when we’re older? Shouldn’t we know who we are before “I am” is “forced” to become “us,” and before “us” becomes a family?

I know that things like this do happen, because my sister received a call about my niece, before my niece graduated from high school.

Dear Goldy:

 I have been dating my boyfriend off and on for almost a year. Just when things seem to be going great, something happens, we argue, break up – but then a month or two later, or even less, we decide to give it another try.

Dear Goldy:

I’ve been dating a long time. There were times I thought “this is it,” but the women didn’t think I was Mr. Right. I’m not here to force anyone to like me, but sometimes I think the women themselves don’t know what they want. They have a list of what they want in a husband, and if a guy has all of them, then they complain about the packaging. “He’s what I’m looking for, it’s just not him.” If you give them what they want, they still don’t know. How about if we all stop looking at what we want and start looking at what’s in front of us?

When I run into friends in the neighborhood, it’s usually in one of the grocery stores. When they ask, “Where’ve you been?” – because they haven’t seen me in a while – I always say I’m either working, home, or here shopping. The last time an encounter such as this happened, instead of catching up on each other’s lives, my friend asked if all the letters I publish and respond to are real. When I was asked that by an individual I was meeting with for work, then I knew I had to write this specific column.