Why did Waldo go for therapy? To find himself. Well riddle me this Batman. How can you possibly be the best friend, wife, husband, or parent if you don’t know what you value in life or even what you have to offer? It’s not just about peeling those layers off of that onion to find the hidden “you” within, but also realizing who it is you want to be, and what is your unique destiny. And yes, we all do have one. Speaking of which, my wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry. Lol.

Okay, genuinely most of us have never even told our “story” to anyone, let alone have gotten to know how we became who we are. Sure, the past is in the past, but those unresolved disappointments or traumas affect the way you are behaving today, perhaps at this very moment. There is no need to be held prisoner by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence, my friends. And don’t you hate when people can’t let go of the past? Debt collectors are the worst.

We may have to accept that we can view what is over and done in a different way. Sure, difficult memories are not easy to reframe, but don’t you think it’s time to free yourself from the pain that comes along with them?

The secret is what to take along with you on your personal journey within. I suggest curiosity and a dose of compassion, not critique, comments, or criticisms. Make believe you are meeting a new friend. Would you be on a faultfinding tour? No, Sireee.

What do you really think? How do you truly feel, and ultimately: How do you choose to act in your life? Sometimes who we desperately want to be is not who we were designed to be. We were all given gifts. Do you even know what yours are?

Ask your close friends what your strengths and weaknesses are, and be prepared for the cold, hard truth. You may need to lose a lot before you find yourself. Start by dropping all those critical thoughts and attitudes about your sweet self. You can bank on this: They are not serving you. Give up those defenses that you built around your heart. I get it. You were only trying to cope with painful events from long ago. But you no longer need them.

Stop blindly accepting what you have been taught, most especially by the culture. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have. Lol. Quit trying to impress others. You know there are advantages to being 102 years old: There’s no peer pressure.

But seriously, develop your views and cultivate your own beliefs, mindset, and mentality. Seeking meaning instead of just comfort and contentment will surely give you a sense of purpose. After all, you do create the very world you live in. Make goals, and make sure they are specific. Set boundaries and give yourself time and space to just contemplate.

No need to quit your day job or to attend a weekend yoga retreat to find yourself, sweet friends. Allow yourself to feel all of your feelings, but be sure not to act on all of them. We have a faculty of reason for a reason. Sometimes you need to remind your heart not to get involved in everything, and to do what it’s supposed to do: Pump your blood.

Feel like you’re kinda off-beat, atypical, or off-color? Me, too. It’s high time you approve and applaud those differences. Embrace the shortcomings and weaknesses that you perceive. It’s the only true way to fix and fine-tune yourself. But do not be mean to thyself. If you would not say it to your best friend, please don’t say it to yourself either. Now, do not forget to focus on all the things you do like about yourself. Are you criticizing or soothing yourself right at this moment?

Spending time with loved ones can have a huge impact on your well-being. Friends all bring something to the table. Make sure yours brings pizza, or chocolate. After all, no one knows the truffles I’ve seen…

Truth be told, you can always find yourself by losing yourself in the service of others for a while. It was once said: “If we think only of ourselves, our minds occupy a very small area.”

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.  or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.