Ever meet someone who has no earthly idea how difficult they are to be around? He may even have a heightened belief in his own excellence or perfection. No matter how sensitively you deliver the criticism, she will simply get offended or even accuse you of being impolite or rude.
Do you ever drive him to the edge of frustration and then “innocently” ask him why he got mad suddenly? Whether we admit it or not, we all have an exquisite talent for not always meeting our loved ones’ needs.
Perhaps she prioritizes time with other friends over you and then turns around and calls you possessive or controlling. He may consistently mess up the house and then call you a neat freak when you complain yet again. I know he has trouble with four-letter words: cook, wash, iron, dust.
Look inside, sweet friends, and see if you are harboring a grudge against anyone at this time. Why is it too hard to let go? Are you stressed at work? How does your boss treat you? Someone once said: What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.
Remind yourself that giving someone love is quite a substantial and significant gift. The time she gives you is very precious. Be someone who acknowledges this and does the necessary work that all healthy relationships require.
Any involvement with people will offer challenges and effort. When you say the word “love,” what do you think it entails? Do you even know? Perhaps someone in your past systematically shredded your confidence so you dare not let yourself be vulnerable. Then again, it’s been said: Love is like an hourglass, filling the heart as the brain empties. They also say a guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a few days.
But truly, if you had the good fortune to have tender, loving parents and a warm-hearted family, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. You can most likely associate friendship and love with trust and fulfillment rather than doubt and distrust.
One of the most beautiful things about a relationship is to be mutually enchanted by another person. But we do not simply “click” with someone without having to do anything at all. There is so much you can do to be a better friend or partner. Do you know what that is?
We are not born knowing how to be good partners or friends for that matter. But we can learn. A real friend will not skim the surface with you forever. At some point, they risk going deep and exposing vulnerabilities. Ask your loved ones questions like: “How did it feel when that event happened?”
Allow space for negative emotions. Your mate or friend will not always be sunny and sparkling. When she is sad, show empathy. Allow room for occasional anger and encourage him to express it in a calm manner.
I may be crazy, but it keeps me from going insane. Allow yourself to be quirky and even wacky at times. They say: The trick is not to let people know how weird you really are until it’s too late for them to back out.
We are all truly anxious and unsettled about many things. She may seem overly confident on the outside, but inside she too has worries and is no doubt stressed about a number of things in her life.
The real monsters in the world could be humans. The universe can be a truly cold place, sweet friends. But love is what makes the ride worthwhile, so please respond to people with sympathy and tenderness. We all could use a dose of that medicine.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
