News

 In life, people don’t stay the same. Your likes and dislikes may change from when you are a teenager to when you are a 40-year-old. Your perspective and opinion on things may evolve, as well. In the letter below, a young man writes that he is making some changes to his life; and while his girlfriend doesn’t mind him “changing,” she feels no need to make any changes to her life. The man is confused about what to do: Stay with this woman or try to find someone who shares his new hashkafah.

I’m going to cut right to the chase and get to the point. No pussyfooting around. I’m not the only person speaking and writing about how we must help singles get married. It’s not a new topic! I’ve been hearing about it since before I was even dating. So, let me ask all of you: Why is it that some singles say or do the stupidest or unmentchlich things (yes, I said stupidest) and then have the chutzpah to wonder “Why am I still single?”

I’m baaaaaaack! I want to thank those who emailed and called me to ask why I wasn’t going to write anymore. Some emailed asking me to write again. I can’t even tell you how many people came over to speak with my father in shul about this. I also want to thank Yaakov Serle and Naftali Szrolovits for being persistent and not stop trying to woo me back. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to write; I just had no time. I had too many balls in the air, too many pots on the stove and I wasn’t able to handle it. Something had to be given up and, unfortunately, I chose one of the things that brought me so much joy. I loved reading the emails and writing the column, but I was breaking, and I thought that I had to let this go if I was going to be able to care for everything else in my life that mattered the way they should be cared for. But like a wise man told me many times, nothing worthwhile is easy, and give something to a busy person and it’ll get done; he or she will find the time. It’s hard, but I guess that’s what keeps life interesting: the juggle, the rush, the decision making. But here I am.

I grappled between publishing this letter along with my response, or not. I decided to publish it, because I will not shy away from topics that are affecting our frum community because the topics are not rated G and therefore appropriate for pre-teens to hear and be exposed to. I will not only answer questions such as, “The boy said he wears a black hat all the time, but my aunt saw him in the pizza shop without wearing it!” If you read the letter and my response carefully, you will see that I answered the questioned asked – nothing more, nothing less. This may be the type of article that can help families start the conversation that I think all families should have. Out of all the letters on this topic that I received, this was the tamest and most general that I thought would be appropriate for this type of newspaper.

 As I have always written, I will get straight to the point. I will not be writing this column any longer – or at least for the foreseeable future. Between work, family, responsibilities, obligations, and just plain trying to have a life, I do not have the time needed to devote to answering email questions or writing what’s on my mind. Some have noticed and commented to me (or my father) that my column hasn’t been appearing in every issue. I had to cut back to writing bi-weekly instead of weekly. And now I see that I must stop altogether for now.

 No man is an island – isn’t that how the saying goes? It is human nature to want to socialize and be around others. Yes, there are those with different phobias, such as agoraphobia. And there are those who live in a cabin in the woods, cut off from civilization. But I am speaking about people in the general use of the word. We are a species that needs and even craves interaction with others.