If you’ve ever spoken to an Israeli, you’ve undoubtedly noticed that he or she says “ehhhh” a few times. I don’t have empirical statistics, but experience dictates that, on average, an Israeli says “ehhhh” once or twice per sentence.
It’s similar to an American saying “ummm” or “uhhhh,” or French people saying “oooooo.” But the Israeli “ehhhh” seems more pronounced and emphatic.
I read that the first “ehhhh” dates back to a book called Choref (Winter) by author Yosef Chaim Brenner. Somewhere in the middle of the story, one of the characters is quoted as saying “ehhhh” in his reply. I don’t know if that’s accurate, but assuming it is, that initial “ehhhh” has become one of the most profound trendsetters in Israeli history.
I discovered that there is a logical reason for the “ehhhh.” One of the unwritten rules of conversation is that one person speaks his piece and expresses his viewpoint, and when he’s done, the other person replies and says his piece. No one can speak continuously without pausing for a moment periodically to collect his thoughts or to think about how to express his next thought. Israelis are very passionate when expressing their opinions and are wary of forfeiting their turn to share their thoughts. Therefore, when they need to pause, they fill the moment with an elongated “ehhhh” as if to declare, “I’m not done! Don’t begin your reply yet.” The way an Israeli concedes his right to continue speaking is when he is silent for a few seconds. That momentary lull is the signal to his fellow conversant that he can begin speaking.
It’s been said that it takes two years to learn to speak and 60 years to learn to keep quiet. While speaking is a relatively quick skill to acquire, mastering the art of knowing when to stay silent takes a lifetime of experience. But beyond knowing when to stay quiet, it is important to know how to listen.
In his acknowledged TED Talk, Julian Treasure noted that people are much keener on being heard than they are about listening to others. He notes that the TED Talk he gave about speaking has received five times as many views as the TED Talk he gave about listening. But that’s a failing on our part.
We spend years learning how to read, write, and speak, but we don’t spend much time learning how to listen.
In his bestselling book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey emphasizes the importance of active listening. Our default tendency is to try to get our point across. In doing so, we often don’t fully grasp the point another person is making.
Learning to listen entails that one overcomes one’s natural desire to respond automatically. Covey expresses it this way: “If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
While the trademark Israeli “ehhhh” grants the speaker a moment to think about how to express his next point, it doesn’t necessarily enable him to have the patience and insight to listen to someone else’s.
The central pasuk in Judaism is Sh’ma Yisrael, an injunction for us to hear deeply the timeless message of the absolute unity of Hashem.
When the Gemara introduces an attempted proof, it often begins, “Ta sh’ma (Come and listen).” That’s a fascinating expression. Normally, one simply hears by listening. When the Gemara says “Come and listen,” it is a call for us to actively hear the point being made. It wants us to allow for the possibility of a new perspective, proof, or idea to percolate in our minds.
A friend noted (somewhat jokingly) that when “ehhhh” is spelled out in Hebrew – alef hei hei hei hei – the gematria is 26, equaling the four-letter name of Hashem. He suggested that perhaps when Israelis say “ehhhh,” they are trying to bring Hashem into every conversation.
He added that the way some Israelis stretch their “ehhhh,” it would have to be spelled with at least five heis (“ehhhhh”), thereby spelling out the word lo (with an alef), which means “no.” This is perhaps a clear message to the other person that if he thought the speaker had concluded his turn to express his viewpoint – no, think again.
If we want to build connections and foster relationships, more than working on ensuring our viewpoint is heard, we should focus on becoming better listeners. It is the difference between whether our conversations convey a hard “no” to anyone interrupting us from sharing our viewpoint or whether our conversations become more divine by seeking to truly hear the perspective of another.
Rabbi Dani Staum is a popular speaker, columnist, and author. He is a rebbi in Heichal HaTorah in Teaneck, New Jersey, principal of Mesivta Orchos Yosher in Spring Valley, New York, and a member of the administration of Camp Dora Golding. His writings can be found at strivinghigher.com. Looking for an inspirational speaker or scholar-in-residence? Contact Rabbi Staum at 845-641-5094 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
