Laura Trump, Donald Trump’s daughter-in-law, was recently appointed as co-chair of the Republican National Committee. She thought that it would be an innovative idea to change the name to the President Donald Trump National Committee to increase donations. The new name would state the reality that Donald Trump is in control of the Republican Party. His handpicked people are now in charge of the RNC, and all of the money is going to his campaign and to pay his legal costs. There was opposition by the Benedict Arnold Project, Republicans against Trump (RAT), and Americans Not Trump Supporters (ANTS). Donald Trump called them traitors, rodents, and vermin. The motion passed and the name was changed.
Trump decided to celebrate the victory by throwing a big party in his home at the Mar-a-Lago Club in Florida. As a show of unity, he invited the loser of the 2020 election, former vice-president Joseph Biden, to the event. Biden did not end up coming because he thought that the event was at the Legoland Florida Resort. Biden was not upset that he missed the celebration because he enjoyed the activities at Legoland, including pop badge collecting.
Trump also invited his buddies Russian President Vladmir Putin and North Korea leader Kim Jong Un. He did not invite any officials of NATO countries because they refused to pay their fair share of the total cost of the event.
There were many highlights. Trump walked into the room with the song “Eve of Destruction” playing. Many in the overflow crowd stood up and started chanting, “He was, he is, and he will always be our president.” Those who did not stand up argued that the constitution does not allow a person to be president after he dies. The response was that Trump knows the future and the fact that he did not choose a successor means that he wants to forever be considered president.
In a sign of unity, there were three national anthems played. The January Sixth choir sang “The Star-Spangled Banner,” The United Daughters of the Confederacy performed “Dixie,” and Senator Tim Scott belted out “Lift Every Voice and Sing.”
The designer Calvin Klan designed a special outfit for Melania Trump to wear for the occasion. It was a white robe with a white hood. It was to show American purity. Melania refused to wear it, saying that it was old-fashioned, a 1920s look. Instead, she wore her famous jacket with the words “I Don’t Care” emblazoned on the back.
There was also a mix-up with the guest list. William Hecht, a large donor, was supposed to be invited. Instead, Warren Hecht received the invitation. Marjorie Taylor Greene blamed the mistake on Jewish Space Lasers that had changed the name on the invitation.
Donald Trump, while going from table to table, saw Warren Hecht and fumed about why the writer from the Queens Jewish Link who suffers from Trump Derangement Syndrome is there. Who invited him? He approached Hecht and told him to leave. Hecht offered to pay for his meal and then offered to pay for half of the event and then offered to pay for the entire event. While this was going on, the other people at the table were chanting “throw him out.” Those at the table included Moshe Hillbilly, David Mushkowitz, Chucky Stark, Avi Bitcoinberg, Erica Rubin, Doniel Behave, Mitten Berkowitz, and Cantor Kantor. Then the entire room joined in the chant. Trump grabbed Hecht by his big ears and threw him out, to the cheers of the crowd.
Hecht was not going to let Trump get away with embarrassing him, so he used AI (Artificial Intelligence) to create a video showing that Trump wanted to overthrow the government. He presented it to Georgia Fulton County District Attorney Phony Willis, who said that she would file charges so that she can hire a special district attorney to run the litigation. She has one person in mind who she has worked well with in the past.
During the trial, it was discovered that the video was AI generated, so they had to drop the charges. Trump was so relieved but noted how foolish Phony Willis was that she relied on an AI-generated video since there are plenty of video or text or statements on Truth Social, she could have relied on to show that he wanted to overthrow the government.
Hecht was never prosecuted for supplying the District Attorney with a doctored video. Instead, he received the Alfred E. Neuman award for Accuracy in Journalism. His colleagues told him that they have been reporting fake news for years, but it had no impact. Yet, Hecht was able to get a former president indicted based on a fake video. Anyone with such talent deserves an award.
Meanwhile, Laura Trump has a new goal: to change the name from the Republican Party to the Trump Party. One thing we learn from Purim is that anything can happen.
Have a Happy Purim.
By Harren Wecht
