Just how much attention and assurance do you need from the people you love? Despite how grown up you are, we are all fragile and can be easily wounded. A sweet comment or warm touch can go a long way in making us feel loved. I know. You love her so much you are going to make your iPhone-Samsung relationship work.
Recognize with grace that we all feel a great deal, whether we choose to recognize it or not. When he is distant, you feel it. When you feel misunderstood by her, it registers. Sure, it’s easier to make believe that you are numb. But the truth is that we all depend on each other and are not even designed to be fully autonomous.
To whom do you matter? It is not a sign of immaturity to admit your vulnerability or needs. You may not wish to be reminded how dependent you are upon others. However, none of us is immune to even seemingly minor slurs.
I’m not always right, but when I am, it’s usually all of the time. Uh-oh. Daily life may force you to acknowledge that many people are unreliable or even untrustworthy. When you look at others with the eyes of compassion, however, you may be less invested in only seeing your own point of view.
Who can you see through the eyes of love? It takes strength to accept that he is complicated and may deserve understanding even after he may have disappointed you. If you find yourself defining her by her worst moment, resist that temptation, please.
Imagine why she may have done that awful thing. Was she responding to a childhood trauma perhaps? Was he scared and therefore did a regrettable action. No, this is not an excuse, but we can understand more fully that our loved ones are not all good or all bad. Speaking of childhood, you know what they say: Being a parent is a job that requires love, patience, and a strong pair of earplugs. They also say: Sleep when the baby sleeps. Fold laundry when the baby folds laundry…
But truly, perhaps he will show remorse and can be forgiven. If you consider her with love in your heart, you can see her inner child, as well. How else can you empathize with others? You may need to explore how you yourself come to say or do certain things, which may not always be above board.
We were all once little, vulnerable children. You know it’s been said: It’s okay if you fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart and we still love them. Remember that although you are fully grown, your behavior may be quite unimpressive at times. Early disappointment in childhood and youth forms a backdrop to later wrongdoing in life.
Try to cast a better light on him when he offends. Know that he is generally ethical and kind, and that he did not deliberately hurt you. Look for a reasonable explanation for her misdeed. When you encounter weakness in him, look for his strengths, as well. Is she the mama of drama today? In moments of drama, do not forget her virtues.
Refuse to view his imperfections in isolation. We are certainly not beyond fault, so keep a loving perspective on others, please. Tell people what you like or love about them. Tell them how you notice their uniqueness. Be more specific.
We want our loved ones to be well disposed to our vulnerabilities, as well. When you are in a sad mood, do you not want your friends to treat your feelings with generosity? Every now and then, give yourself permission to be fragile and let the child in you out. It is reassuring to be with someone who can allow you at times to be at your wits’ end.
Take note of positives, please. Instead of just saying: “Thank you for the lovely dinner,” compliment the sauce that you particularly loved. I know. You put hot sauce on your hot sauce. Say to him: ‘I love you for being____. Tell her what you find to be the most lovable part of her personality. Hug your loved ones as it truly has deep significance.
Children love to be patted, cradled, and even carried. After all, it’s hard to manage the trials of existence on our own. Sometimes explanations and reasons do not even help. Many of us have been told that it is unhealthy to want a stronger person to look after us.
The truth is that we secretly may wish to be parented on occasion. No, we cannot always cope on our own. It is not an affront to your independence or dignity to need that hug or to accept your childhood self.
Failure and foul-ups will undoubtedly etch their way into our lives. So do look after your friends when they are fragile or broken. You can admire his strength while also showing sympathy for his vulnerability.
Do not be hyper-individualistic, sweet friends. It’s okay to depend on another person, so long as he or she is the right one. Let’s be honest. The best gift you can give is a hug. It is one size fits all – and no one will care if you return it.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
