Have you ever found yourself suddenly unable to carry out your normal day-to-day activities? Perhaps you started crying and simply could not stop. Or you took to bed in the middle of the day. You know what they say: Naps are tricky, because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed, or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you’re in. But truly, underneath layers of deception, you may have convinced yourself that you are incapable or unworthy of going on in this life.
Your parents may have made you live under certain directives and dictums which seemed impossible to live up to. Your dad insisted on a specific career and expected success. Your mom emphasized image and appearance, which makes you worry incessantly about what your scale says each morning. Apparently, it’say,nly appropriate to say, “Look at you, you got so big!” to children. Adults tend to get offended. Oh, and how many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
But seriously, you struggled to make sense of the messages you grew up with and at one point simply could not. How do you untangle, unwind, and disengage from the paradoxical position you have been placed in without losing your mind?
Have you ever noticed how your mother knows exactly how to push all of your buttons? That’s because she installed them. But truly, those negative feelings inside of you wish to be understood, or they will not leave you alone. And hopefully they will prevent you from avoiding what you truly need to face or deceiving yourself for the rest of your days.
Have you tried to decode the puzzle that is you? One mess-up need not remind you of all the setbacks you’ve suffered in your past. You may be tempted to feel even smaller and simply retreat. How about you try a new approach, sweet friends? None of us knows how to lead a truly unblemished, faultless, and flawless life.
Most of us possess little information about ourselves and certainly the conditions of life. How do we avoid failure around work, friendship, family, and most of all – love? We simply have no necessary tools to help us live with any semblance of wisdom or insight.
Your mind tends to misfire. It overshoots. It undershoots. In what area have you failed, my friends? After all, foul-ups and fizzles are inevitable in this life. Just, for once, choose a fresh approach. Remind yourself that we are simply not meant to live unblemished lives.
Do not get angry when you fail, please. When you suffer a reversal, try to tell yourself a funny tale. Have you noticed that, for some reason, everything’s funnier if you’re not allowed to laugh?
We need not always default to doom and gloom. The reality of your inner life may seem absurd at times. But trust me, if you could see into the lives of others, you would find the same ineptitude and unease.
You may have come to believe that you are uniquely inferior. Do not become an expert at beating yourself up. After all, how are you supposed to make big life decisions when you still have to sing the alphabet in your head to get to the right letter? Sure, there is monstrous suffering in this world. No one gets through unscathed. And yet, there is still a way to live joyously and heartily.
We know of all the unjustified and inexplicable pain in this world. But what has come from ruminating in despair, my friends? Despite our loneliness, we must say “yes” to life. You do have a share of the Divine within you.
We can transcend the heaviness of life. Do you dwell on sorrowful moments? Refuse to only see the darkness and dullness. Many things in our lives remain unsatisfying, disappointing, and even disagreeable. Your sense of value may fluctuate, but do learn to forgive yourself for mistakes in your past.
Start your day with energy and hope, sweet friends. Your moods may be subject to change, but do not allow yourself to be so perturbed by small things. You know the three moods: overthinking, oversleeping, and overeating. Listen, it turns out I’m not an afternoon person either. But truly, try to remain unbothered by others’ hostility, jealousy, or competitiveness.
Find friends who accept occasional sadness but help you laugh at the absurdity of life. What are your ideas about yourself based on? Your foul mood may be a passing state of mind. Perhaps all you needed today was a bit of a nap or an afternoon snack. Just remember that Triscuits are the perfect snack for anyone who has ever had the urge to eat wicker furniture.
Moods are not permanent, thankfully. It, too, shall pass. Learn to put some distance between those bad moods and your conscious self. Practice self-kindness, sweet friends. After all, kindness is the new black.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
