Feelin’ Funny: Mordechai Schmutter

I always thought it was a great idea for me to work in my house.  The commute is pretty pleasant, and I’m in a central location – in the living room right at the bottom of the stairs – so that I don’t miss any of the goings on of life, and that way I can write about them.  The problem is that when these things do happen, I can’t actually get any work done.  Especially since a lot of these things happen right on top of me.  Because I’m in a central location in the house.

About once a year, I write a “dumb criminals” article, because there are a lot of criminals out there who do stupid things and get caught, probably because if you want to be a police officer, there are intelligence tests you have to take, but if you want to be a criminal, there are not.  Also, many cops have been doing this for years, but for the criminals, it’s often their first foray.

Everyone loves Purim, but no one loves cleaning up from Purim.  Yet the night after Purim, you have to sort through what you got for mishloach manos and figure out what to do with it.  It’s like putting away groceries, if you bought minute amounts of hundreds of different foods – mostly unhealthy – and put no thought into grouping like things together in the same shopping bag.  (“Why did we buy unwrapped jelly beans?”  “Why is every can of soda in a different bag?”  “Is this for Shabbos, or…?”  “Why did we buy this thing if we don’t even know what it is?”) 

Every year, in honor of Presidents’ Day, we list a bunch of amazing facts about one of our beloved presidents (non-beloved too – we just go in order).  And this year we’re up to… John Adams. 

Of all the units we use to measure things, time has always been the most fluid. 

Welcome back to “How Should I Know?” – the advice column that, more often than not, is about food.

Dear Mordechai,