Feelin’ Funny: Mordechai Schmutter

When people ask me, “Mordechai, is there a good pet I can get that will actually give me something in return, but not nearly as much as I put into it?” I recommend chickens. Or cows, but I live in a smallish house. So chickens. Though I did finally move them outside.

Of all the things that could be running through your head when you’re waiting in line for kaparos on a busy Erev Yom Kippur, I feel like the main thought is, “Should I just raise my own chickens?” I mean how hard can be if Schmutter’s doing it?

I think the biggest issue with the Nobel Prizes is that it’s all for things that nobody understands.

Rosh Hashana is once again upon us. If only there were some warning. And even though we mostly think about the seriousness of the day, we cannot forget that it’s also a Yom Tov. After all, we’re all familiar with the famous Ma’amar Chazal, which says: “Dip the apple in the honey; Make a bracha loud and clear. L’shana tovah umesukah, Have a happy, sweet new year.” (Ibid 1a)

I feel like as much as men grumble about having to build a sukkah, we do enjoy the part where we get to figure out new improvements to make to our sukkahs every year, and when they don’t work out, we get to figure out how to do it differently for next year. It’s a never-ending mitzvah!

With the price of gas being what it is these days, I sometimes think it might be a good idea to get a motorcycle. You know -- for short trips and commutes where it’s just me going somewhere without the whole family. My wife can use it too, but not in a sheitel I guess. Like not to weddings. I would pay less for gas, and it has to be cheaper to buy than a hybrid, right? Because it holds fewer people! And you’re not paying for unnecessary things like a roof or windows.