A few weeks before the p’tirah of Arlene Ross a”h, I enjoyed a slice with her at Naomi’s Pizza in Kew Gardens Hills. We debated politics, as we often did. Arlene did not argue simply to win. She argued because she believed something had to be done – and because she expected the people around her to help do it.
Arlene did not know how to stand aside. Throughout her 68 years, she questioned, challenged, welcomed, supported, organized, and acted. Whether helping someone find employment, preparing another place at her Shabbos table, or registering a voter, concern had to lead somewhere.
The longtime Forest Hills resident was niftar unexpectedly this past Wednesday, July 15. The news came as a shock to all who knew her. Her life was still very much in motion.
Arlene’s friends Ellen Sumberg-Widelitz and Jillian Weinfeld remembered her humor, generosity, and political passion. Ellen and Arlene met through Ellen’s sister Sue and remained the closest of friends for 50 years, going through life together. Jillian grew up near Arlene and came to regard Ariella as a younger sister.
Election Day, they recalled, was Arlene’s favorite day of the year. She volunteered at the polls, wore political buttons, and proudly displayed her “I Voted” sticker long before voter mobilization became one of her central communal missions.
Jillian recalled Arlene’s vibrant sweaters, Chinatown jewelry, and the high school students who became her “fashion fan club.” She said Arlene would literally give someone the shirt off her back.
Ellen treasured their long telephone conversations and said she always felt better afterward because Arlene was logical and seemed to know the right thing to do.
Arlene was a woman of unusual strength and certainty. Rabbi Mordechai Kraft, EMET Founder and Educational Director, described her as “a mother from a previous generation,” grounded in values she was unafraid to defend. Looking around at a room stunned by her loss, Rabbi Kraft asked, “What is the world going to look like without her?”
Raised in Flushing, Arlene attended John Bowne High School before studying psychology at Queens College and international business management at NYU’s Stern School of Business.
After working in human resources at Citi, she spent more than 26 years at the New York City Department of Youth and Community Development, rising to Assistant Commissioner for Literacy Programs and later working in workforce development and student support. She organized workshops and job fairs, counseled students, and connected people with educational and employment opportunities.
Yet the center of Arlene’s life was Ariella, whom she raised as a single mother. Speaking through tears at the l’vayah, Ariella said her mother had dedicated her life to Hashem, Israel, the Jewish community, and, most of all, to her. Arlene raised Ariella with Torah, yeshivah education, tz’dakah, and a deep commitment to Jewish continuity.
Rabbi Kraft called Ariella the focus of Arlene’s world. Rabbi David Algaze, Founder and Rabbi Emeritus of Havurat Yisrael, told Ariella that although hers was the greatest loss, hers had also been the greatest privilege: No one had ever been loved by Arlene more deeply.
Ariella expressed the hope that her mother’s values would continue through future generations and that she might one day become even half the person and mother Arlene had been. Arlene’s pride in Ariella remained evident until the end. She visited Ariella while she was attending seminary in Israel, traveled the world with her, and good-naturedly complained about how much Ariella made her walk. In her final conversations with Ellen, Arlene spoke proudly about Ariella’s acceptance into Mount Sinai’s nursing school.
Ariella also revealed the private generosity behind her mother’s public life. Arlene’s home was open to anyone who needed a meal, a place to stay, or companionship. Before Shabbos, she cooked extra food and set additional places in case she encountered someone walking home alone. She did not want anyone embarrassed by having nowhere to go or no one with whom to share a Shabbos meal.
Congregation Havurat Yisrael was Arlene’s spiritual home. She was a devoted congregant, serious student, and determined questioner. Rabbi Algaze remembered that Arlene pressed for answers because she wanted to know what the Torah required. In painful personal circumstances, she accepted Torah guidance even when it conflicted with her own comfort. She asked hard questions, but once convinced of what was right, she followed it.
At the l’vayah, Rabbi Algaze noted that Arlene’s Hebrew name, Brachah Eidel bas R’ Yaakov, suited the blessing she had been to her family and community.
“We lose a fighter for am Yisrael, a fighter for Yiddishkeit, a fighter for what truth is in the world,” Rabbi Algaze said.
Rabbi Aryeh Lang, a Chabad shaliach in Camarillo, California, whose father was Arlene’s first cousin, recalled that with Arlene, “you always knew where you stood.”
Arlene supported Rabbi Lang’s community fundraisers, sent him newspaper clippings whenever Chabad was mentioned, and attended family simchos, including his daughter’s wedding. She remained devoted to a relatively small extended family that meant a great deal to her.
Less than three weeks before her passing, Arlene and Ariella traveled to Crown Heights for the bar mitzvah of Rabbi Lang’s son and the boy’s first aliyah at 770. Walking had become difficult, but Arlene made the trip.
The following day, she called Rabbi Lang with unusual urgency to ask for his Zelle information. She wanted to send the bar mitzvah gift before leaving on her next trip. It would be their final conversation.
Rabbi Lang remembered her fierce Jewish pride, devotion to Torah, and love for Eretz Yisrael. She would not remain silent when it came under attack and cared deeply about Jewish marriage and continuity.
As a Queens Jewish Community Council board member, Arlene contributed time and personal resources and joined food distributions serving hundreds of families before Pesach and other Yamim Tovim.
In 2021, the words “From the river to the sea” appeared on a Sunnyside theater marquee after a pro-Palestinian event. Arlene called the owner herself. He told her that a renter had placed the message there, and it was removed. She saw something she believed was wrong and did not wait for a committee to respond.
Arlene loved this country and New York City and worried deeply about their future. She attended forums, symposia, exhibits, political gatherings, and communal programs whenever public safety, education, civic responsibility, or the future of the Jewish community was at stake.
She was a proud, old-school Republican who was strongly supportive of Israel and conservative on public safety, socialism, and many cultural issues, while supporting stronger gun regulations and criticizing figures on the right who tolerated anti-Semitism. Her views followed no party checklist.
During the 2025 mayoral campaign, she worked tirelessly for Democrat Andrew Cuomo. She believed Jewish security and New York City’s future required voters to unite behind the candidate most capable of defeating Zohran Mamdani.
One of Arlene’s final missions was Jewish voter registration and turnout. As Queens Field Manager for Jewish Voters Unite, she led its Austin Street voter center, reviewed outreach materials, promoted voter education, answered questions, and helped residents register and understand ranked-choice voting.
“Don’t kvetch. Vote.” captured Arlene’s belief that Jewish influence was squandered when people complained but stayed home on Election Day.
Her Facebook page reflected the same candor. She challenged figures in both parties, promoted civic involvement, and shared family photographs, humor, travel, and frank updates about her health. That same voice appeared in letters to the editor published in the Queens Jewish Link and other publications, where Arlene used the printed page to question, challenge, and urge action.
During her final months, severe bone-on-bone arthritis limited her mobility. In May, repeated falls led to an emergency-room visit and facial injuries requiring stitches. She was given a cane.
As of July 1, she was scheduled for knee-replacement surgery later this month. Earlier this year, she wrote that her knee felt so weak after swimming that she could barely complete any laps.
Still, she attended simchos, continued her communal work, made plans with friends, and traveled with Ariella.
The night before her p’tirah, Arlene emailed Rabbi Algaze photographs from the trip, including one of herself smiling in Valencia. At the l’vayah, he remarked on the photograph, saying it captured a woman who loved life and was always moving from one journey to another.
Those closest to Arlene expected more calls, arguments, campaigns, and journeys. She still had plans to meet friends for dinner. I expected to see her again over another slice at Naomi’s, ready to tell me what I – and the community – should do next.
Arlene was interred at Beth David Cemetery in Elmont. Shiv’ah is being observed through Thursday morning, July 23, at her residence, 106-15 Queens Boulevard, with the entrance on 70th Avenue, from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. and 5 to 8 p.m.
Arlene’s life leaves a charge: Speak when something is wrong, vote when the community’s future is at stake, and make room for the person who is alone. With one fewer person doing that work, the rest of us must do more.
T’hei nishmasah tz’rurah bi’tzror ha’chayim.
By Shabsie Saphirstein
