As parents, we always try to protect our children. We protect them physically by making sure they wear helmets when they ride their bikes, that they don’t climb or go where they shouldn’t, that we hold their hand when they cross the street, and so on. We also try to protect them emotionally – but this one can be harder to do, especially when Israel and the Jewish community are under attack. As much as we try to shield them from what’s going on in the world, we can’t always pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t.
On Simchas Torah, when I found out about the massacre that happened in Israel, I broke down and cried right in front of my fourth grade daughter. I couldn’t help it – it was an immediate reaction, and she was there. And last week, when we learned about the news of the six hostages who were brutally murdered by Hamas just days before the IDF found them, I found myself back in that post-October 7 place where I had to find moments when my kids weren’t looking to shed a few tears, and then clear them away as soon as I heard their little voices calling me.
How do we, as parents, deal with our own emotions when we have young kids at home, whom we want to protect from devastating information? And should we be hiding such major news from them? Are they going to find out anyway from other, less gentle sources? It’s so tricky to know when to hide news from our kids and when to tell them. We have to know our own kids, too. Are they able to handle it or will it give them nightmares? Do they really need to know?
No matter how we answer those questions, I find myself asking: Can our children see us cry? Will it be damaging to them to see their parents crying? Or is it healthy for them to learn that their parents have feelings, too, and to even find out, in a more general way, that there was some sad news in the Jewish world, without going into specifics?
I don’t have the answers to these questions, nor do I think there are right or wrong answers here. As parents, we have to do what we feel is appropriate for our own children. If you know your child is likely to find out about major news events from friends in school – and perhaps in more colorful detail than you’d like – you may decide to tell them yourself first – in a more gentle, palatable way – so they are prepared.
Whichever way you decide to handle this unbelievably difficult time as a parent, just know that you are doing a great job, and all of us parents are right there in the trenches with you. We’re living in a stressful, devastating time when we’re all doing our best to hold it together while taking care of our kids’ many needs. We are only human. If you need to cry, cry. It’s okay for our kids to see that we have emotions, just like they do. We don’t have to be superhuman around them all the time. Maybe it will help them feel even more connected to the Jewish people, no matter where they are in the world. Through our tears, we can teach our children that Jews everywhere are our family – even if we never knew them.
Sometimes, I think we can all use that reminder.
By Shira Zwiren
