Opinion

Dear Goldy,

I am writing for my son. He had a horrible trick played on him. He had been going with a girl and then he comes to find out that one of the dates he had was with her identical twin sister! The twin sister went out with my son - not the original twin he had been dating.

I was the type of child and teenager that wanted to please everyone: teachers, friends, my friends’ parents, my parents, etc. It was ingrained in me to be a people pleaser. So, you can imagine the shock I felt as I got older and realized that nobody can please everyone all the time, and you’d be lucky to please some of the people some of the time. If I got into an argument with anyone, I would apologize first and make sure, “We’re okay, right?” But as the decades have come and gone, I am more accepting of that saying. Sometimes, depending on the situation, I don’t care if my actions or words anger/annoy/frustrate someone. I’m too tired or fed up to care if everyone likes me. I’d love to be Sally Fields, but I’m not. I’m me, and the only person who has to love and like me is me (and my family).

Dear Goldy:

 I am looking to marry someone who will sit and learn for at least the first two or three years after we marry. If he wants more time, that can be discussed, but the first two years are really important to me. I use shadchanim that only redt shidduchim to girls like me and bachurim who want to learn after marriage.

One hope that we all share when about to go out on a date – whether it’s a first date or a tenth date – is wanting to have a good time. Everyone wants to have fun on a date. It’s painful to sit through a date where you’re either bored to death or you’re sitting there trying to pull teeth in order to have a simple conversation to get to know him/her, not even trying and sitting and embracing the awkward silence.

Dear Goldy:

I need your advice, or at least your words of wisdom. I’m 23 and have been dating since I got back from seminary. Now I’m dating someone who seems to be everything I want. But there are some parts about him that are…problematic. He’s 33 and divorced with a child. He shares custody of his daughter with his ex.

Dear Goldy:

I’m 30, still single, and want to get married. I think you’d be proud of me, because I’m not one of those girls who has a list, and I deal with shadchanim directly. I always have. I’m very realistic about what type of person I’m looking for. I know what I am and what I’m not, so I’m not looking for someone out of my league either.