For those living in New York City, it’s quite rare to see deer. But for those of us who live on the other side of the Hudson River, it is quite common. In fact, recently the number of deer has grown exponentially. It is not unusual for a family of deer to sprint across our yard, or even be grazing calmly in our yard. (So far, my effort to get them to pay for their usurped meals haven’t been successful…) Often, when I walk into my own backyard, the deer chilling there glare at me as if I am intruding on their property.
As I walk closer, they stop nibbling on the grass to stare at me and their ears immediately perk up. It’s clear that they are listening intensely to every sound as they watch to see if I’m getting too close. When they deem that I’ve indeed gotten too close, they immediately bolt.
It’s amazing how quickly they shift into danger mode. When a deer first senses potential danger, it freezes “like a deer in headlights,” with its ears flared, completely focused on surveying the situation.
What’s fascinating is that even if a deer is chased by a real predator, as soon as the danger passes, the deer resumes its previous state of complete calm. The same
holds true for other animals like zebras and impalas. When they sense danger, their body instantly mobilizes with a physiological “fight-or-flight” reaction. As soon as the threat dissipates however, it immediately returns to a state of homeostasis, and its stress response subsides as swiftly as it arose.
At times, we could benefit greatly if we could learn this from animals. After a situation that triggered a fight or flight reaction within us has dissipated, we often struggle with anxiety from the previous situation. Though the danger has passed we relive it in our minds and ruminate over the experience.
However, we often have the opposite reaction as well. After something triggers us, we often push the event out of our mind when we should not be so quick to do so.
In our fast-paced, impatient world, we fail to appreciate the importance and value of truly listening.
When I was in graduate school working towards my social work degree, my professors would emphasize the importance of active and empathic listening to a client. Active listening entails periodically reflecting back to a client the points he or she is saying to demonstrate that you fully understand the emotion and message he/she is conveying. To a certain extent, a client feeling comfortable enough to share an experience can be more helpful than the guidance the therapist offers.
We naturally crave to express ourselves and to feel understood. But these days, who has time or patience to truly listen to someone else? We’re too busy asserting ourselves and explaining our own viewpoint to hear the opinions and feelings of others.
The mitzvah of shofar obligates us to focus on listening. In fact, the brachah recited prior does not mention blowing the shofar, only hearing it. Fulfilling the mitzvah of shofar entails just listening. One is not supposed to speak from when the berachos are recited prior to the first shofar blasts until all 100 shofar blasts have been blown at the conclusion of Musaf. What an invaluable training - keep quiet and listen purposefully!
What a better world it would be if we actually took the time and energy to listen to others. On a deeper level, how much better off would we be if we took the time to listen and be in touch with our own inner voice?
The deer in my yard listen intently, but only enough to ascertain if there is immediate danger. As soon as the immediate danger has passed, the danger is quickly forgotten.
The shofar teaches us to be in tune with those around us. If we internalize that message, we can elevate our own lives and the lives of those we encounter, especially those we love most. But that is only if we dare to be different than the deer.
Rabbi Dani Staum, LMSW, is a popular speaker, columnist, and author. He is a rebbe at Heichal HaTorah in Teaneck, NJ. and principal of Mesivta Orchos Yosher in Spring Valley, NY. Rabbi Staum is also a member of the administration of Camp Dora Golding. He can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and at strivinghigher.com.