I try to write about what appeals to everyone. I don’t just chase one type of reader. I am aiming for all readers to like my column, even though I know realistically that isn’t possible.
There are topics that I know people will have what to write about after, and I’m usually correct, judging by the emails I receive. There are also some topics I write about that may not garner many follow-up emails, but I still feel duty-bound to bring these topics to the attention of my readers.
A few weeks ago, I wrote what I thought of as a cute article – “Quotable Quotes” – about different things that have been said to me and others on dates or by shadchanim that just seemed too untrue to be real, but they all were. In the week that followed that article, I can’t even tell you how many emails I received from people telling me how much they enjoyed reading that article, PLUS people sent in their own hard-to-believe quotes of what has been said to them. I am a person of the people. I will give the people what they want and so I present to you: Honorable Mentions. These quotes were solely taken from the emails I received in the last couple of weeks.
“You can’t date him. He’s a Libra and you’re a Virgo. Those signs don’t mix well.” –– A shadchan told this to a woman when the woman asked if this shadchan can redt a shidduch with someone whom she had been trying to date for a while. A shadchan who relies on astrology? Hmmm.
“I’ll redt you to someone I have in mind, but don’t mention that your car has a Trump bumper sticker on it. I saw when you drove up. I don’t want to get into an argument of how I can set people up who have nothing in common. Leave politics and Trump out of it.” –– said to a middle-aged man who drove to a shadchan’s home to meet for the first time.
“Back again?” –– A waiter said this to a woman while on a date. She had been to that restaurant a few days earlier on a date with someone else. I guess waiters do not observe HIPAA confidentiality codes.
“Don’t touch the vents. I specifically arranged them earlier by sitting in the passenger seat to make sure that you’d be cool enough. If you touch the vents, I’ll have to disinfect them. Just tell me if you want air more to your right or left.” –– said on a date to a woman when she reached out to adjust the car vents in the summer while in a fellow car on a date.
“It’s not like that. We just met. I’m not going to buy a flower for her. I’m not sure about anything about her yet.” –– what was told to a flower vendor in a park by the fellow when the couple passed by on their first date.
“You didn’t bring your negative test result? I brought mine. I thought you’d bring yours so I would know that you were tested within the last 48 hours.” –– said to a young man on his first date with a girl. They had discussed the fact that they were both negative before the date and were wearing masks and sitting more than six feet apart. He just didn’t think to bring test results with him on the date. The woman was stunned that he didn’t think to bring a test result with him.
“An accountant? Huh, that’s something. He wasn’t such a great student. Never figured him for a professional when he grew up.” –– A shadchan said this to a woman with whom she was talking after it was discovered that the shadchan taught the woman’s brother back in high school over 25 years ago.
“No offense, but can you stand up? I just want to make sure you’re exactly as the shadchan said. I also want to make sure you aren’t in pajamas from the waist down, because this is still a date and deserves the same kind of attention an in-person date deserves and clothes is one of those things.” –– A woman said this to a young man on a Zoom date last June before most people went back to dating in person. The man, who emailed me told me that he answered, “Offense taken. Why would you think I’d lie about myself or skimp on clothes? I’m no longer interested.” He ended the Zoom date! Love that!
“I said you owe $45.70. It’s half. I’ll cover the tip, don’t worry.” –– This was said to a woman on a date when the waiter dropped off the check. She heard her date say something, wasn’t sure what it was, and asked him to repeat himself. This is what he said. Apparently, he expected her to pay for half the meal, even though he had a steak and she had grilled chicken salad. “I didn’t know we were going ‘halfsies.’ But now that I know what you expect, just know that I’ll go Dutch. I owe no more than $30 for my salad, shared appetizer, and soda. You can pay for your steak, and the appetizer you ate on your own.” Well played, my dear. Well played.
“I forgot my latex gloves; can you open the door so I don’t get germs on my hands?” –– said a woman to her date.
“Your father mellowed over the years because when he was my teacher, he was mean and would yell at everyone! He didn’t raise his voice at all just now.” –– said to a girl right after she left her house with her date.
Hope you liked these honorable mentions as much as I enjoyed reading through all of them myself. If you sent me in an email and don’t see your quote included in this week’s column, don’t worry. I will revisit the topic in a few months.
Hatzlachah to you all.