Do you ever feel like you’re spiraling or taking a nosedive because he hasn’t texted you back yet? “Sorry I didn’t answer your text. I was on my phone.” Sheesh. A minute ago you were laughing hysterically about that meme. Now your mood has morphed and mutated, and you may not even know why.
At times, our emotional state may change completely without so much as a warning. No, you are not “extra.” It is simply your mind’s way of making sense out of confusion or chaos. We all have mood swings, sweet friends. There is nothing wrong with you. Trust me.
However, you might be a tad overwhelmed or weighed down by life. What is draining your energy right now? First things first: no matter how you feel about tech, we are all inundated and flooded with notifications. How many apps do you have? Did you remember to check that urgent email? You know what they say: Email—because your phone isn’t already annoying enough.
It’s been said: For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. What’s hardware? The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
But seriously, there is literally no respite. Were we humans even designed to absorb and respond to this much stimuli all the time? Perhaps your brain hits you with a lot of “What ifs.” What if I don’t get the job? What if I never find a mate?
Allow your thoughts to simply be present. Notice the thought, but gently bring yourself back to the present moment. Instead of fighting the thought, you may need to simply accept it and say to yourself: How is this thought helping me?
Do not believe every thought you have, please. If you pay attention to worrisome thoughts, you will actually get more of them. You know those negative thoughts like: “The light at the end of the tunnel might be an oncoming train.” Sheesh. Or: “Trying is the first step to failing.” Good grief.
Name your thoughts. Say to yourself: “There you go again, brain, making me anxious.” For example: “There is the ‘victim mentality’ thought again.” Shift your attention back to the here and now.
Do not get stuck in internal conversations with yourself. Eventually, these negative thoughts will show up less and less. Sometimes the smallest annoyance can knock you off balance. If you are truly angry but push it down, know that the feelings did not disappear. They are hanging in the background, draining you of your precious energy.
You may not be reacting to your feelings at the moment, but everything you have been holding onto internally is still lingering. You put on your “I got it together” shirt, and of course, the show must go on. But you are not on stage, and you may have an inner voice that does not agree at all.
Your brain may not know which voice to believe, and your nervous system can bounce between opposing commands. Your emotional state cannot find steady ground if you are sleep-deprived or dehydrated. Wanna hear a joke? Sleep. I know, I don’t get it either. But truly, our emotions follow our bodies as well.
You may end up feeling detached or disconnected—even from yourself. Do not live on autopilot, sweet friends. Aim to be present in this very moment. What do you do to calm your nervous system? Do you even know how to?
Check your unfinished feelings at the end of the day. Did you suppress any anger? Did you ignore hurt feelings? Be kind to yourself and allow yourself just to feel them without judging. All emotions get a turn. Have compassion for the inner voices you observe. And hey, you know you’re in trouble when the voice in your head starts using your middle name.
It’s crucial to take care of your inner world. When your emotions are visible, they lose power over you. Seek out joy. Do anything that helps you release emotional energy. What do you love to do?
What do you think about the life that you have? You need not depend on outer circumstances to tell you how to feel at any given moment. You always have the capacity for gratitude and love. It is all inside of you, just waiting to pour forth.
In the words of Benjamin Franklin: “The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.”
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
