Do you generally feel safe and relaxed? How gentle are you with yourself? Have you ever called yourself a loser in your own head? You wouldn’t dream of saying harsh words to a friend or even a perfect stranger. Instead of verbally abusing yourself, try a dose of kindness, sweet friends.

Extend the same tolerance and thoughtfulness to yourself that you grant to others. Replace those negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Self-awareness increases when you stop constantly seeking approval from others. Do you spend 12 hours a day seeking approval from strangers on Instagram? A million likes will never be enough if you don’t like yourself. Listen, as a kid, I used to watch the Wizard of Oz and wonder how people could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

But truthfully, have you taken ownership of your life, or do you still try to live up to his expectations? It is high time to create your own path based on your own values and needs. Perhaps her perception or view is based purely on superficial things. Don’t be too impressed, please. Sometimes the wrapping is lovely, but the box is empty. After all, who knows you better than yourself?

Sad feelings are not a sign of weakness. If you become friendly with your emotions, even the sad ones, they will become your allies. Do not view them as enemies. Our feelings convey messages to us. Try to approach them with curiosity, not judgment.

When you love someone – even yourself – it is not simply feeling loving. It is actually the doing that counts. Take action and show yourself some love today. Go ahead and treat yourself to that sizzling slice with extra cheese today. Do you believe in love at first bite? Save the planet; there’s pizza here.

Soak a tad longer in that soothing bubble bath. Wash away your troubles with some bubbles. Grab your friends and play a pick-up game of basketball. You do have the time. As Michael Jordan said: It’s not about the shoes. It’s about what you do in them. Get a manicure, where you can pay $30 to be made fun of in a foreign language. But seriously, what makes you feel good about yourself? Do you even know?

Which of your personal attributes are you most grateful for? Name your skills and strengths. Ponder a positive experience that you may have gone through recently. Do not focus on all the ways in which your competitor is better than you.

Do work out. You have a choice. You can throw in the towel, or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face. Oh, and if you don’t think a minute is a long time, you’ve never done a plank. And yes, sweating while you shop counts as exercise. Indeed, exercise is truly the most underutilized anti-depressant.

And know this: Your friend will not solve all your problems but will face them with you. Feeling those subtle sparks of connection with him will surely make you feel less lonely and boost your self-assurance.

Remind yourself that everyone faces struggles in one way or another. If you sincerely want to feel good about yourself, be a morally good person. We humans are all inherently good and inherently flawed. Trust me, there will be many times you say things that you did not truly mean to say.

Your life will be full of waves. Are you willing to learn how to surf or not? Go with the flow, just like the ocean’s current. There is nothing more important than respect and trust. Don’t spend your life seeking revenge. It’s been said: Rotten fruit will fall by themselves.

Please seek out the right people who will not only love you for whom they want you to be. Your past mistakes are nothing but lessons. If she hates herself or wishes she was more like you, sadly she may hate you. Do not lose energy over this. Simply keep your distance.

Fuel your confidence with positive internal dialogue. Above all, develop a growth mindset. Truth be told, we all fail our way to success. Be fearless, sweet friends. It’s been said: “Fear is a reaction; courage is a decision.”


Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing. 

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