How do you feel when someone you like takes an interest in you? Do you sometimes feel as though you are a bit less than? Some of us need to build more confidence about our own nature. You are most likely no more horrid or horrible than anyone else on the planet. Sure, we are in close contact with all of our quirks. You may have many illusions about who you are that are simply false.
You might be keenly aware of all of your ineptness and incompetence. But know this: What you see in him is a carefully constructed facade, which we all face the world with. Of course, she now appears much more impressive and imposing than she truly is.
Accept that by nature we are all foolish, absurd, and even half-baked at times. So, you might have appeared like a bubblehead. Now you go home and ruminate about what he thought of you for days. The risk of trying and failing always has a risk of humiliation, sweet friends.
You may be highly impressed by her intelligence or blown away by his financial success. Yes, they are special; but so are you. They are, after all, human. They, too, have a detailed list of annoying and even aggravating habits.
No matter how much you envy her, she is an ordinary creature much the same as you. No, he is not a divine being simply because he can afford a mansion and a yacht to go with it. You know, if you don’t use fast-food napkins as Kleenex in your car, you must be in a whole different tax bracket. I know. All you ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make you happy.
But seriously, he is beset with the same blind spots, defects, and deficiencies as we all are.
Do you tend to feel sad or anxious more often than you are actually happy? Do you seize opportunities for joy? You may tend to downplay all of your achievements. Some of us grew up in homes where being anxious and worried was the default state. We therefore learned to interpret the future with a bit of doom and gloom.
Being happy may actually come to feel a bit unnatural to you. Your senses can literally be jammed in “fear” mode. You may end up even sabotaging situations that would have brought you comfort and contentment. If it feels “normal” to feel rejected or abandoned, you can unknowingly force loved ones to do just that.
Trust me, sweet friends, all of that anxiety and apprehension will not protect nor serve you in the end. It’s understandable to be appropriately concerned about real things in your life; but do not allow yourself to become a manic worrier over everything.
What do you fret about? Money, children, household tasks, or your relationships? Well, you know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries. Indeed, there is always something to be troubled or bothered about. Sometimes, focusing on the perceived horrors of the outer world helps us avoid what we should truly be looking at: our inner world.
You are far more resilient and capable than you imagine. Gently explore your past but do not get stuck there, please. It is no small thing to take satisfaction from the good times in your life. It is a mark of evolution to be able to live in the moment and relish the present. Are you really tasting that first bite of cheesy pizza? You know, in crust we trust. Sure, salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad. When you turned on Spotify, did you even hear the new song your favorite artist just dropped or were you too preoccupied?
Go outdoors and simply appreciate the changing colors of the leaves. Inhale and exhale slowly. It’s been said: Autumn leaves are Mother Nature’s way of showing us that change can be beautiful and messy at the same time. There are a myriad of reasons to sink, sadden, or feel beaten down. Be heroically defiant instead. Dare to believe that for just this moment there may be nothing worth worrying about.
Resist the fears that are ingrained in you. I know it’s difficult. As they say: The only one who likes change is a wet baby.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
