This past Thursday afternoon, I stepped into the kitchen and found my nine-year-old daughter’s arm deep in a mixing bowl, a triumphant smile on her face. A box of brownie mix was beside the bowl on the counter, and so was a small glass bowl with some egg remains and a measuring spoon.
“Look what I’m doing!” she exclaimed proudly.
I looked at the still-forming brownie batter in the bowl. I questioned her about every ingredient listed on the box. I helped her find the appropriate measuring cup for the last ingredient. And then it occurred to me that my fourth grader had checked an item off my pre-Shabbos to-do list and I hadn’t needed to be involved!
You know that feeling from when you were in high school and hadn’t finished an assignment on time and were going to cram during recess, and then found out the teacher was absent and you wouldn’t have to turn in the assignment after all? That feeling of your entire body relaxing with the knowledge that you have more brain space and breathing room in your day?
This wasn’t quite as dramatic, but it was a bit like that.
In the early years of motherhood, it’s easy to fall into the routine of doing most of the Shabbos prep yourself, especially if your husband works long hours and doesn’t come home until close to candle lighting. It also means you develop the “best” or “most efficient” ways to do things: the particular order in which you cook dishes (especially when you only have one oven), how involved you want your menu to be (aka how many mixing bowls and utensils you really want to wash when you’re done), and other particulars of frantically getting your home ready for the Day of Rest.
You may fantasize about the day when your kids are old enough to take over some of these responsibilities, but they always seem too young. Some of us are so used to thinking of our kids as little and still learning how to do basic tasks around the house, that we don’t always realize they can actually help us in meaningful ways once they get just a bit older. It happens slowly, and then one day, you find your daughter making the dessert.
I think it’s always a little shocking when you realize your kid can do something you assumed they couldn’t.
Can we also discuss kids and baking?
When I was a new parent, I couldn’t wait to bake with my kids. I imagined having perfect memory-making moments baking with them with not a speck of mess anywhere - just perfect cookies and challahs with smiling children in adorable matching aprons mixing the batter and definitely not fighting, drowning cookies in mountains of sprinkles, or making tiny dough people that would do nothing but burn in the oven.
Of course, the first time baking with kids immediately shatters this fantasy. It’s not the idyllic scene holiday movies and Instagram stories might have you believe. Some people may truly enjoy baking with their kids, but I think many parents realize it’s not an ideal activity when there’s limited time or if you have high expectations for the final result.
My daughter has been interested in baking for a long time. She loves watching baking shows and is always inspired to make some sort of concoction, usually at a time when I don’t have any interesting ingredients for her to use. In theory, I’d love for her to express her creativity through cake-making, but in practice…I haven’t been ready to give her independence in the kitchen, and I haven’t had the energy to go all-in with leading an elaborate baking activity.
When I caught her making box-mix brownies all on her own, I realized two things:
My daughter can do more in the kitchen than I give her credit for.
I need to delegate more pre-Shabbos activities to my kids.
Delegating can be hard, but why should we parents feel all the stress of making Shabbos on a short Friday when our kids are capable of helping? Every aspect of our kids growing up can take a second for us to notice. One day, they’re too young to fold the laundry, the next they’re folding their own clothes and putting them away. They can also prepare ripped toilet paper, set the table, sweep the floor, and, yes, even make simple foods in the kitchen. We just have to be willing to let go of perfection.
Short Fridays will always have a chaotic energy to them, but daring to delegate some of the Shabbos prep to our kids can help significantly. So things may not be done perfectly. But they’ll be done!
They can do it sooner than you think.
Shira Zwiren works in marketing and has loved to write from a young age. Around the edges of her day as a professional and a mom of three adorable kids, she tries to find time for personal creative writing and art. Follow Shira on Instagram: @myjewishjoy.
