Has it been “one of those days” for like three years now? Making excuses again? Okay…truth time. Are you doing it out of fear, insecurity, or just plain laziness? Did you know that every one of your thoughts, words, or actions is driven by a core belief you have? You may have formed them by something that happened long ago; and for some reason, you still hold on to them. Perhaps you felt powerless then to do anything about a situation you were in. But, you are not powerless anymore, sweet friends.

Maybe an event in your life that made memory was especially positive, leaving you feeling empowered. If you want to get in touch with those beliefs, ask yourself what it is you always wanted in life. Did you get it? No? Why not?

If you hear yourself talking negatively to yourself, check to see how many assumptions you are making. It’s time to challenge those thoughts. And if you’re waiting to make that move when you’re not scared anymore, you may be waiting forever. Don’t worry about those butterflies. That nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach tells you that something actually matters to you. You’d be surprised how life rewards bravery and courage. You owe it to yourself to go for it. You know what they say: “A winner never quits and a quitter never wins.”

What are you carrying around with you? Is your head full of mental clutter? If you believe that things will never change, they probably won’t. The secret is to take small steps to change the things you can. You may have to learn to take risks. We can’t avoid change or the unknown in our lives. They are coming whether we like it or not. So why not let it be on your terms.

If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got. Don’t forget that it is your inner life that determines your outer fortune. Worrying about the future? Instead of asking “What if?” all day long, try asking: “What do I need to do to make this happen?” If you’re sitting around waiting for the “right” time, guess what? The right time is now. Being an adult is not actually just learning how to Google stuff.

No need to go it alone, sweet friends. Asking for help is most definitely not a sign of weakness. A fear-based mindset will get you nowhere, and that imaginary fortress you’ve built around you will not serve you in the end. Lean on people; that is what they are there for. And while you’re at it, make sure they fuel your inspiration. You know they’re your best friend when they say: Roses are red, violets are blue; I’ll only look up from the screen for you. Lol.

Still don’t know what really lights you up? It may be time to stop asking yourself vague questions such as: “I want to be happy. I want true love.” Try being specific, and narrow down what that actually means to you. Now you can take actions to help make that dream come true. Break down those big goals into small ones, and decide what you must do each and every day to get closer to them. Every night, think about a couple of things you wish to accomplish tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, take a bite out of that list. There are seven days of the week, and “someday” isn’t one of them.

Fear of failure, fear of rejection, Fear of Missing Out. How many are there? Perhaps you spend a lot of time wishing you were somewhere other than where you are right now. Yet fear of change may be the biggest of all. If we do not learn to accept the shifts of life, we will be robbed of all the present joy we could be experiencing. After all, life still does come one day at a time.

And let’s be honest: Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you’re finished. Lol. We cannot prevent bad things from happening, sweet friends. But we can believe that, despite tragedy, there will be recovery and renewal. We have that power within us all. Please stop settling for mediocrity and unrealized dreams. Sometimes the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself by helping others. Focus on those around you and ask how you can help.

Stop judging you, and start telling yourself a new story. It’s high time to get out of your own way.

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.