We pass our community shuls all the time. But how much do we know about what or who is inside them?
7100 Yellowstone Blvd., Forest Hills, NY 11375
Rabbi Elisha Friedman has been the Rabbi at the Young Israel of Forest Hills for the past three years. He grew up in a variety of places, including Israel, New Jersey, and North Carolina. Rabbi Friedman received s’michah from Yeshiva University, where he currently teaches Jewish philosophy, and is completing his PhD in Modern Jewish Philosophy. Rabbi Friedman also has a podcast, “It’s Genius,” where he focuses on making complex Gemara analysis understandable and accessible, and a podcast on Rav Chaim Soloveitchik’s Chidushei HaRambam. Prior to coming to Forest Hills, he was the Rabbi at a shul in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, for six years.
Tell us about yourself. What made you want to go into rabbanus?
My father was a practicing rav for most of my childhood. He served as the Rabbi at Duke University in North Carolina; Linden, New Jersey; West Hartford, Connecticut; and Israel. So I really traveled around as a kid.
There was no “aha moment” when I realized I wanted to become a rabbi. I would say it was more a series of feelings and experiences that stuck with me. One in particular is that sometimes when I would be home from school, I would accompany my father to the shul, where his office was. My father would be working/learning in his office, and there was a yeshivah in the building during the week, which you could hear from the main area where I used to read or learn. I remember so vividly sitting in that shul and thinking about how nice it is to be part of a learning environment as part of your profession. I really enjoy the learning and academic/intellectual parts of rabbanus, so those experiences where I saw rabbis as being a part of and promoting a learning environment really stuck with me.
What’s something you assumed about rabbanus, based on your father’s position, that maybe turned out to be different?
I never realized how busy the job is. A lot of my favorite memories from shul, like going with my father to his office at shul, or the Minchah, shalosh seudos, and Maariv time in shul on Shabbos, were, in my memories, very peaceful times. As a rabbi, especially when I worked in Harrisburg, those became my busiest times: making sure there was a minyan, setting everything up, speaking, etc. Learning or working in my office was also a time that, though I perceived it to be a peaceful one when going with my father, was constantly busy: People were constantly stopping by, asking questions, etc.
Another thing that is quite different for me now is when my “busy season” is. Growing up, I witnessed chagim as being particularly busy times for a rav, but because of the populations I serve, chagim are typically quiet; many in the young marrieds’ minyan are with their parents for chagim, and those from the Main Shul often go away to be with their children.
What is unique about YIFH?
We’re about to celebrate our 74th anniversary. The shul was founded by Holocaust survivors at a time when many, many people were coming to Forest Hills and it was an “up and coming” area for European immigrants. Unfortunately, today there is only one survivor left in our shul. But it’s special that it has that history.
Another unique aspect of the shul, or one people might not know, is that we actually have three different minyanim – three parts of the shul that make up the shul: There is the Main Shul, which is mainly comprised of older adults who have been living here since the 1960s or ‘70s. On Shabbos morning only, we have a young professionals/young marrieds’ minyan, which is typically newly-married couples with one or two children, and is generally a more transient minyan, since people will typically move out within some time. During the week, they join the Main Shul. Lastly, we have a Sephardic minyan, run by Rabbi Zalman Mergui.
We are also very well located for young couples, where, for example, one person works in the city and one on Long Island. Though for a long time the young marrieds’ minyan was a more transient one, right now there is an energy in the minyan to grow the community and advertise how well situated the shul and community are. Because of how difficult it is pricewise to get a house right now, young couples are staying for much longer than has been the case in the past, and people want to invest more time and emotional energy in where they are right now. I see a lot of people from the minyan hosting other young couples for Shabbos and showing them around.
What are ways that you seek to unite all three minyanim? What are challenges to doing that?
Naturally, over the years, each of the minyanim developed its own culture and social group, and drifted apart. However, the new president has made a concerted effort over the past few years to bring people together. There are often kiddushim and kiddush clubs that have developed over the past few years for after davening, and this is a time where people from all three minyanim really meet and mix. It can be a challenge, though, because each minyan starts at a different time and goes at a different pace. And, naturally, there are many cultural differences between how Sefardim and Ashkenazim conduct the shul experience, so this can be a challenge. We did try to do a shul-wide shalosh seudos, but it didn’t really work out. Occasionally we also do a shul-wide kiddush, and we also do our shul dinner all together.
The Main Shul board has really diversified over the past few years and now has representation from each minyan. Each minyan does have its own board as well, which deals more with policies and needs of that particular minyan. The Main Shul and young marrieds also have programming together throughout the year, for example on Tish’ah B’Av. I give a Jewish Philosophy class before Minchah on Shabbos, a Sunday morning Gemara shiur, and a Wednesday night parshah shiur, which are open to everyone. My goal is to keep moving in the direction of bringing everyone together when possible, and the efforts that have been made so far have really changed the energy. You can feel it.
How do you participate in all three minyanim?
Shabbos morning can be pretty busy, since I speak in all three minyanim, and they all run at different speeds and times. For example, the Main Shul begins at 8:45 and ends around 11:30; the young marrieds’ minyan begins at 9:30 until 11. I daven either in the Main Shul or in the young marrieds’ shul on a given week. I speak before leining in the Sephardic minyan, after leining in the main minyan, and then I speak in the young marrieds’ minyan. When I speak in all three minyanim, I typically present the same ideas, but I will tailor it to the group I am speaking to, in terms of how long the speech is, the structure of it, and the focus of the speech, based on what I’ve learned or picked up on, that each group prefers.
What are some important lessons that you’ve learned in your time as rav?
My experience as a newlywed in Washington Heights was particularly formative to my work now, as I really experienced firsthand how a married couple’s first “shul experience” on their own, and their level of involvement as a unit, has a bearing on the relationship and level of involvement they will both have with shul in the future. For example, sometimes couples won’t pay membership, or won’t be so involved, and once that becomes your way of being, it’s hard to break that routine. But once you are involved in a shul, it really becomes part of your routine, and it impacts how you view your shul going forward. There are many couples who are extremely involved in shul and take a great amount of responsibility, and it gives me so much joy to see, because learning how to be a community member and take responsibility is really a life skill, and if they are learning it now, they will have it going forward and be able to pass it on.
I also feel that being involved in shul really gives you an appreciation for how much it takes to have a shul. When I was in my 20s, I took shul for granted, and I had no idea how much time, energy, and money it took to run a shul, even a small one. Young couples who get involved early on really see that firsthand; and I think it breeds a strong appreciation for what it takes to be part of a community and have the structures in place that we’re so used to, and potentially take for granted.
