Opinion

So I finally got my day in court.  Traffic court, to be precise. 

My day in court was a Tuesday.  The ticket I got actually said Shabbos, so I called to voice my concerns, and they said, “Actually, that’s not the court date.  That’s just the deadline to schedule your court date.” 

I’ve been thinking a lot about my traffic ticket lately.  Though I think I’m supposed to. 

Would you consider yourself handy?

And by “handy”, I don’t mean “convenient to have around”.  You probably consider yourself that.  I mean in the sense of a handyman, who, come to think of it, is pretty handy to have around.  But not for too long, because they charge by the hour. 

When it comes to finding entertainment for kids who are stuck at home, there’s nothing like a puzzle.  Puzzles have been disappointing kids for eons.  Because it looks like a game – you even keep it with the games – but it isn’t a game.  It’s a problem to solve.  And it’s not even your problem.

It’s finally occurred to me why I’m not a multi-millionaire.  And no, it’s not because I’m a writer and a teacher, which are two jobs that pay so little that doing both of them together actually makes you get paid less somehow.  It’s because my work is never seen by non-Jews.  And there are way more non-Jews than Jews out there, I’ve noticed.  Okay, I haven’t noticed.  I mostly hang out in yeshivas, where the Jews outnumber the Gentiles by about a hundred bochurim to one janitor and a couple of math teachers.  But in most of the world, I’ve got to tell you: There are a lot of Gentiles out there.  So many that instead of being called “Jews” and “non-Jews”, maybe it should be “Gentiles” and “non-Gentiles”.  And the weird thing is that most of them don’t even know they’re Gentiles. 

It happened: I finally got a traffic ticket, after 20 years of driving, on and off.  I would not recommend it.  For one thing, it takes forever.  How long does it take to write a ticket?  I ask this as a professional writer.