Reb Benzion Dunner of London was renowned as a tremendously charitable philanthropist. He would say that he viewed himself as a “gabbai tz’dakah,” that G-d had granted him wealth merely so that he could oversee its dissemination to those in need.
On the night of Purim 2008, he distributed more than a million British pounds to charity.
Two weeks later, on March 21, 2008, Reb Benzion was driving with some of his children when he suddenly lost control of his car and veered off the road. Tragically, Reb Benzion was killed instantly. Miraculously, everyone else in the car survived.
Shortly afterwards, a relative of Reb Benzion asked Rav Chaim Kanievsky, “Doesn’t it say (Mishlei 10:2) “Charity saves from death”? How could a person, who dedicated his life to charity, have died so young and so tragically?”
Rav Kanievsky replied, “He was supposed to die 20 years ago!”
(I asked Reb Zev Dunner, Reb Benzion’s brother and an activist with Torah Umesorah, about the story. I have written it as he told it to me. He added that Rav Kanievsky was very emphatic. He did not say, “Perhaps he was supposed to die 20 years ago.”)
Reb Benzion was granted 20 years of life because of his philanthropy.
*****
This week, 18 Adar I, marks the second yahrzeit of my father-in-law, Mr. Nathan Mermelstein a”h.
In 2014, my father-in-law was hospitalized. To be honest, at the time we didn’t realize how ill he was. It was only when we went to visit him in the hospital that we were informed that he was fighting Sepsis, a serious complication resulting from infection that can be life-threatening. The odds weren’t on his side, but, thankfully, he pulled through. He hosted a s’udas hodaah when he regained his health.
In 2020, during Covid, he began not feeling well. For a long while, the many doctors he went to couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was wrong. They insisted he was fine, even though he was extremely uncomfortable and often in pain.
I will never forget the afternoon when he called to tell me that a tumor was discovered in his pancreas.
He began shlepping into the Bronx weekly for treatment. My incredibly devoted mother-in-law was always at his side. The treatment weakened him, but he seemed to be responding. Then, at the end of January 2022, he fell at home. When Hatzalah members arrived, he was still communicating with them. Little did anyone know that this was the last time he would be in his home and the last time he would speak. His condition deteriorated over the next few weeks, and he was niftar on Shabbos morning, 18 Adar I, surrounded by his wife and three children.
One night, during my father-in-law’s shiv’ah, Rabbi Avi Cohen, a dear neighbor of my in-laws, related to us the following story:
Twenty-two years earlier, “the other side of the lake” in Lakewood had no mikvah. The nearest mikvah was on Madison Avenue, a long walk away.
Representatives of three shuls convened to raise funds to purchase a piece of land and renovate the house on it to become a mikvah. Rabbi Cohen and another member of his shul, Ephraim Birnbaum, were the representatives of their shul.
Their first stop was at the home of my father-in-law. When they began explaining the project to him, before they had a chance to explain all the details, he sat down and wrote out a check for $2,000.
They thanked him but then explained that they were looking for five founding families to donate $10k each to initiate the campaign. Once they had $50,000 in commitments, they felt the $245,000 project would gain momentum.
My father-in-law immediately replied that he wanted to be the first donor and pledged an additional $10k.
That indeed helped get the project rolling; a year later, the mikvah was completed. My father-in-law forever has a significant share in the mikvah on the corner of Sunset Boulevard and Central Avenue on the other side of the Lakewood lake.
We were blown away by the story that we knew nothing about. There are undoubtedly many more stories of his chesed and tz’dakah, of which we are still unaware.
We can never profess to know the calculations of heaven. But I’ve often wondered if he was granted six additional healthy years, and the opportunity to meet four more grandchildren, in the merit of his tz’dakah and chesed.
My father-in-law came from humble beginnings. His parents were Holocaust survivors and things were challenging in his youth. My father-in-law began his “career” doing menial jobs, including truck deliveries and as a butcher. He slowly saved up money until he could purchase a house and a car. He loved to help people and contribute as much as he was able.
Every Motza’ei Shabbos/Yom Tov, immediately after Havdalah, he would sit down at the dining room table and write out a check for any tz’dakah pledges he had made over Shabbos/Yom Tov.
He was also a person of impeccable integrity. The afternoon before I became engaged to his daughter, I had a long conversation with my future in-laws. During that discussion, my father-in-law told me that if anyone ever called him dishonest it was equivalent to taking a knife and stabbing him in the back. He had a disdain for dishonesty. I don’t know where he developed such fierce honesty from.
He often told me that he didn’t want to be an in-law to me, but more like a father. I personally learned so much from him.
We continue to miss him so much.
May his neshamah have an aliyah.
Rabbi Dani Staum, LMSW, a rebbe at Heichal HaTorah in Teaneck, New Jersey, is a parenting consultant and maintains a private practice for adolescents and adults. He is also a member of the administration of Camp Dora Golding for over two decades. Rabbi Staum was a community rabbi for ten years, and has been involved in education as a principal, guidance counselor, and teacher in various yeshivos. Rabbi Staum is a noted author and sought-after lecturer, with hundreds of lectures posted on torahanytime.com. He has published articles and books about education, parenting, and Torah living in contemporary society. Rabbi Staum can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. His website containing archives of his writings is www.stamTorah.info.
