Do you tend to blame yourself instead of those who did you wrong? You know that to make a mistake is human. To blame it on someone else – that’s even more human. You know what they say: Husbands and wives can be annoying; but without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks? They also say: The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
But truly, is your character oriented toward guilt? As an adult, feelings of remorse and pangs of guilt can get reignited if you feel as though you did something wrong to a friend, employee, or even G-d.
It is not evil to feel righteous anger at those who have done you wrong. Some of what is most noteworthy in your life may remain inaccessible to day-to-day memory. You may not even be able to remember a significant event if it was too painful. Your mind may protect you from recalling certain experiences, while remembering with ease that blissful day at the beach when you were but eight years old.
The memory-retrieving part of us may shut down in order not to recall in depth an incident of intense fear or anxiety. Do you remember ever being shamed or ridiculed by loved ones, your boss, school mates, or even colleagues? I know. You would tell your boss to go jump in a lake, but he would probably delegate that to you, too. Then again, there are days one should just really sleep through. Like Monday through Friday.
But sincerely, some happenings are simply too difficult to make sense of. They may pose a risk to your beliefs, faith, or even your hope for humanity. Indeed, we are witnessing vengeful and malevolent people committing unspeakable atrocities on a daily basis. Do you have a solid grip on world events right now?
In order to truly connect to what is happening inside of us, we may have to immerse ourselves in some of our fears and losses. To truly liberate ourselves, we must actually mourn the past. We need to get in touch with what we truly feel and what has happened to us.
You may feel the devastation of how the world is mistreating your people. This goes to the core of what we need to do in order to heal. Yes, you may re-experience the pain; but trust me, if you face it, it will eventually leave you alone. Indeed, it’s a cruel, unfeeling world. It’s up to you to make it less so.
Of course, we would like any encounter with sadness or anxiety to be as brief as possible. The truth is that we humans are permanently susceptible to bouts of fear and apprehension. We must learn to manage our fragility, my friends. Calibrate your expectations. Your mind is a complicated thing. You need to be ultra-careful with your patterns of thinking.
Do not simply allow your thoughts to wander into any ole part of your mind. Instead, learn to nurture and nourish thoughts that strengthen you and remind you of your intrinsic worth. Do not entertain thoughts about how inadequate or limited you are. Those thoughts can become instruments of self-torture, sweet friends.
Just how supportive is your support network? True friends are not a luxury. They are in fact a resource. He can help you balance your mind when you feel overwhelmed. She can soothe your fears or perhaps share some of her own uphill struggles. Avoid those who are hostile toward self-examination or spiritual growth, please. Their critical voices can oftentimes become lodged in your mind.
When the world seems dark, do not hide yourself away. Take your friend into your confidence and be patient with yourself. Learn to accept gracefully the positive attention of your loved ones.
Make family and loved ones feel appreciated and let them know that they are helping keep the darkness at bay. You know what they say: You cannot choose your family, but you can send them to voicemail.
You do not need more wealth or to be spoken of well by those in your community. In the words of J.P. Getty: “My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.” But seriously, take pride in your own efforts and humble daily achievements.
Always face down the evils in the world and your sorrows with a dose of humor, sweet friends. We must sometimes simply mock the absurdity of life itself. Lastly, hold on, and please reach for help when you need it. Dare to tell someone you trust your concerns and fears. And please be grateful for all the love in your life.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
