Do you care if others are aware of and accept your feelings? Does he give credence to your moments of sadness or anxiety? Does she support you when you are overwhelmed with anger or uneasiness? When was the last time someone said: “I can see that you are truly upset today. How can I help?” Or: “You seem unusually down in the dumps. I’m so sorry.”

Instead of trivializing your emotions, how would you feel if she said: “I recognize that lately things have simply been too much for you to bear.” Not having your emotions acknowledged can make you feel quite invisible at times. Using my invisible hula-hoop really freaks people out. But I digress…

Sometimes her feelings may be emotionally troublesome or inconvenient for you. Did she have to get moody at holiday time? You’re not in a bad mood. Everyone is just annoying? Uh-oh.

Did he have to get so angry while the family is here? Trust me, recognizing and addressing his feelings will not make it worse than it is. The truth is that once you make allowance for the depth of her frustration, the intensity of her feeling will likely get much less, not much more.

We tend to feel far angrier or hurt when no one listened, rather than when someone may have listened too much. Think about how you respond to the friends or family members who truly matter to you. It is psychologically redemptive and restorative to validate what those in your friendship circle are actually feeling. Listen, if you love someone, let ’em go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Fill up your emotional first aid packet, my friends. A million likes will never be enough if you don’t like yourself. Ah, the ’90s. Many memories. No evidence. But seriously, pay attention: You can tell more about her by what she says about others than what others say about her.

When you do get anxious or worried, you may tend to focus on what you perceive as the cause of it all. The truth is we may miss a crucial step in this process, namely: How do you feel about yourself? Self-doubt, and most especially self-hatred, causes much of our fearfulness and foreboding in this life.

You have an above average risk of feeling uneasiness if you lack self-confidence, sweet friends. It may feel as if the world is in fact punishing you at times. If, by some miracle, things appear to be going well in your life, you may be convinced that this is a deceptively quiet time before the boom gets lowered on you.

Disliking yourself may have become second nature. Do you believe that your friends should feel lucky and even grateful to have you in their lives? Perhaps you appreciate yourself less than you should. Please remind yourself that you are not inherently pathetic or pitiful. Work on feeling tenderly toward yourself even in your darkest moments.

Anxiety and stress can be a very well-disguised habit of not adoring or even disliking who you truly are. Please seek out your close friends for support. Friendship is one of the most under-appreciated human relationships at this time. And no, I do not mean Facebook “friends.” Facebook is like your fridge: You know there’s nothing there, but you still check every ten minutes anyway. Most people don’t know this, but you can actually go to the gym without telling social media about it. Go figure.

Aristotle saw friendship as the ideal relationship. Your identity may be way too wrapped up in work. It turns out that having close friends protects your health. The recent dystopian lockdown was a huge stress test for humanity. Face-to-face time, without actually covering yours, is incredibly critical in order for you to flourish.

In the face of anyone’s difficulties, try to recall that we truly are all children. Then again, at bedtime, my children turn into dehydrated philosophers who need a hug. But truly, of course you have skills that surpass those of a small child, but we all have that child still living within us. If you suffered pain as a youngster, you may become angry in response to your wounds.

Why did she act as she did? More than likely he is being mean as a consequence of having been injured at one time. Please be morally brave and search for what those wounds may be. Explore the origins of your own pain, please. If you have fallen into depression, is it connected to having been neglected or mercilessly belittled by a parent or someone in your past?

Hatred can even become a defense against love, my friends. Treat loved ones with kindness and offer them hope. We have all offended at one time or another. So please always be a bit kinder than necessary.

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at