Do you know how to solve problems? Can you even define what problem-solving is? Start by identifying your hurdles. Gently try to figure out what caused these predicaments. Now you can try to make good on possible solutions.

You may think you have pinpointed your issue, but have you separated fact from opinion? Ah. Not so easily done. Once you’ve attempted to differentiate, say the problem out loud, even to yourself. Listen, talking to yourself is a sign of genius. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. But truly, share with a faithful friend. A trustworthy friend can sometimes help you sort out your concerns or help you find some balance.

You may be the type who has more thoughts before breakfast than most have in an entire day. You know if Shakespeare cooked breakfast, he’d make a Hamlet. Speaking of breakfast, try not to be like pancakes and get all flipped out. Be like maple syrup, and go with the flow. But sincerely, if you are an over-thinker, consider reality testing yourself to make sure that this worry is not merely in your head.

Give yourself time, sweet friends. Some troubles take a lot more time to heal from or solve than others. You may need to space out or simply pay no mind to what is bothersome for a bit. The solution may come to you if you relax and give yourself some mental rest.

Perhaps you feel as if you are under a dark shadow and have come down with a colossal case of the blues. Can you sort out what you feel right now? Is it loneliness, boredom, fear, or anger? And while you want to feel your emotions, please do not allow yourself to become hypersensitive either.

Maybe you feel as though you cannot access your true feelings. Are they locked inside of you? Don’t settle for obvious answers. We are made up of many layers, sweet friends. It’s been said: Life is kind of like a layer cake. You get to put one layer on top of another. Whether you frost it or not is up to you.

Communing with your inner pilot may seem quite intimidating. Don’t prioritize feeling “normal.” Relax your body and reflect on what comes up for you. What do I really feel or think about my job, my mate, my friends?

We honestly do know what is good or bad for us when we check in with our true selves. Believe me when I say that the answers are truly inside of you. But first, be sure to create a comfy and cozy space where you can relax and decompress.

We humans are prone to extreme fluctuations of mood, which sometimes dips. We may feel undeserving. What caused your mood to shift? How can your sadness become more containable? Don’t berate yourself, especially in the company of competitive people or self-absorbed family members or friends. Two competitive silkworms decided to race. It ended in a tie. Hey, I’m not a competitive person. I’m always the first to admit it. But seriously, find the right sort of company, please.

Sometimes we simply have to laugh at the absurdity of the human condition. Your mood may not be the offspring of reason. Perhaps you simply need some more sleep or a cheat day on that strict eating plan to reset your clock. Moods are a passing state of mind after all.

Put some distance between your feelings and your conscious self. Try some self-kindness. Have you truly done something that is unforgivable? Attitudes need not be permanent. You can shift yours.

There may be a fundamental wound preventing you from becoming who you can truly be. If others criticize you, or withhold praise, do not swallow their verdict. Why uncritically accept public opinion instead of seeking your inner barometer, my friends?

Being known properly and non-judgmentally by someone makes us feel likable and resilient. Learn to connect with your own emotions without the compulsion to mirror or change them for others.

If you do not have a wise, kindly mentor or friend, please seek one. He or she can help you learn to take your own side instead of swaying in the wind and placating the “crowd.”

Don’t you yearn to be a bit less hungry for praise after all? Speaking of hunger, is your general life update: Hungry again? Do you feel like however you die, your last words will be: “But, I’m still hungry”? Free tip: Rice is great when you’re hungry and want 2,000 of something.

On the other hand, please do not look for excuses to “fix” him. When we are emotionally frustrated, we get awfully adept at finger pointing. Being accusatory and condemnatory does nothing but invite defensiveness from her.

Validate your emotions, but by all means, please solve the issues that are within your control. So, how can you get to where you want to go?

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at