Doing good deeds and giving charity have a central place in our ethical belief system. Do you offer others what they may need if they simply cannot get it for themselves? If so, how? You may think that means money or something material. Sure, you spare that dollar or write that check to your favorite institution before the holidays.
Then again, it’s been said: Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort. Of course, it’s also been said: Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
Yet charity goes far beyond simply opening your wallet. Do you recognize when someone needs assistance with something they cannot do for themselves? It is indeed part of the human condition to be helpless at times.
Do you ever stop to think how you, too, may not have made it this far in life without someone cutting you slack, lending you a hand, and giving you grace? In your relationships and friendships, charity is truly necessary.
No, this is not about money or lavish gifts, but perhaps a more compassionate perspective on someone’s flaws. Have more sympathy for some of their failings and weaknesses. After all, we all act out when we are hurt. When was the last time you acted or behaved immaturely?
We can all be hard to live with. I know, not you… but in all honesty, have you not been unprincipled or even selfish at times? Heck, I just asked myself if I’m crazy, and we all said no. If you are close to someone, you understand enough about their past to have a picture of where their anxiety and insecurity came from. You can hold in mind what happened in their childhood or how their parents treated them.
Realize that you, too, stand in need of charity, grace, and graciousness. Sure, you remember all the times that you have been right, but do you recall when you have been definitively wrong?
Keep in mind that at times, if he is stressed or if she is tired, they are liable to behave poorly—as we all are. Sadly, we wound others when we feel we have been hurt or ill-treated. Be kind and compassionate because you properly understand that you, too, may soon be in need of a dose of tenderness.
You have three moods: oversleeping, overthinking, and overeating. When was the last time you tried to discover the contents of your own mind, sweet friends? You may imagine that you truly know what you think and how you feel most of the time. What makes you who you are may actually be unexplored or entirely unknown by you.
You know what they say: Adulthood is the worst after-school program ever. Don’t you sometimes wish you were a kid again so you could just take a long nap and everyone would be proud of you? The truth is that we need periods of calmness and quietness to discover the ideas floating around in our minds. Believe it or not, some of your greatest observations come when you are daydreaming.
You may feel as though you are going through some sort of emotional crisis in your life. You might wonder why you chose to live where you do, why you ended up with the career you certainly never dreamed about as a child. Why did you choose your mate? Then again, someone noted the irritation of spouses but wondered who else would be blamed for lost socks. Someone once described his household dynamic where he’s the boss, but his wife is the decision-maker.
But seriously, it can feel quite overwhelming to realize that your responsibility is truly to yourself—not your friends, boss, or social media followers. Do not delude yourself about what has to be in life. If you have a heightened awareness of death, you will reexamine your life and choose things with more certainty. Scrutinize your life choices.
Trust me, sweet friends, you are almost guaranteed to make many mistakes along the way. It is a fundamental aspect of the human condition to be anxious at times. We all suffer from the agony of making profound and pressing life choices. So do not despair. After all, perfection is never within reach. That only exists in movies, in song, and oh… on social media, of course.
But as always: Don’t let the ugly in others destroy the beauty in you.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
