Do you sometimes feel as though something is wrong with you, but you’re not quite sure what or why? Perhaps you feel as though you don’t “belong” or that your feelings don’t truly matter to anyone. We all yearn to be loved and even protected.
The very first step to healing yourself is acknowledging your pain, sweet friends. Perhaps you try to mentally escape from certain situations. You may at times feel as though you are not fully connected to yourself or the people you are with. If you were deeply hurt, you might come to believe that you are living a false self.
On the other hand, you may overreact to the smallest of things. He’s not paying enough attention to you, and you become extremely angry. You may even have an outburst or a tantrum of sorts. You all know toddler logic: If at first you don’t succeed – try to get someone else to do it for you by throwing a tantrum. But truly, these explosions are caused by unresolved pain. Chances are you felt overlooked, unnoticed, or even disregarded as a child.
Speaking of children, you know what they say: I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early or acting like you know what you’re doing. It’s also been said: Children really brighten up a household; they never turn the lights off.
But seriously, do you experience lack of motivation? Perhaps you weren’t allowed to express yourself as a child. Your relationships with family and friends may not be healthy. You may be too emotionally dependent, or you might have way too many misunderstandings.
If you constantly seek approval or look for that gold star from him, you may not have received the love and care you needed back then. Who needs to validate you in order for you to feel good about yourself?
Appreciate your own achievements, please. Your worth does not depend on her opinion of you. Sometimes we regress in order to cope with our unresolved feelings. Do not avoid tasks and responsibilities. Instead of escaping, find the root cause of your pain and learn to nurture yourself. What did you enjoy doing when you were younger? Have you given them all up? Why?
There are things that can cause lasting pain and hurt that persist into adulthood. Offer comfort and healing to your inner child, please. Confronting your fears will make you a stronger, even wiser person.
Every day should not feel like a mountain you have to climb. Did you hear the story about the mountain? I couldn’t get over it. But truly, do you always feel as though something is not quite right? Nervousness can have negative effects on the quality of your life. You may have a nagging sense of shame behind all you do. If you feel self-conscious often, you could be struggling with feelings of self-hate.
Perhaps growing up, no one really cared what you had to say. If you have done something wrong in your past, do make amends, please. Sometimes you become so scared of failing that you simply do not try. This will surely prevent you from moving forward in your life.
The way your parents spoke to you becomes your inner voice. If you have a bully living inside your head, do not listen to him. Do not lose the ability to feel or express your feelings, sweet friends. Don’t push your emotions away. Pursue activities that make you feel energized. Check out your preferred restaurant. Watch your favorite show. Speaking of restaurants, when life gives you lemons, squeeze them on your salmon. Is your signature dish “reservations”? I get it.
If your activities feel more like a chore, cultivate a good attitude. Negativity creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don’t avoid loved ones when you need support. It’s perfectly normal to feel lost from time to time.
Know who you are. Whom do you want to be? Every once in a while, reflect on your inner thoughts and beliefs. Please make peace with your past. Do not dwell on your regrets. Allow yourself to heal. Find things you are passionate about. Make a positive difference in the world.
Your relationships are the most important determinant of your happiness. As they say: My friends and I are crazy. That’s the only thing that keeps us sane. A best friend is someone who knows all your passwords but doesn’t use them...yet.
Remember that the most profound relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
