What do you need to do in order to be happy? Do you dream of succeeding or winning against someone or something? Instead of conquering the world, perhaps we should prevail over our own minds. As they say: When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: “Whose?”

But seriously, do you count how much money you managed to earn? All of my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I’m doing a great job with them. As they say: If you want to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some. Do you ponder how many friends you have made? Are these among your greatest achievements? You may have indeed done well for yourself, but is your psyche still troubled by your emotional state of mind? Listen, the last thing that blew my mind was the wind.

Chronic anxiety or depression will surely spoil, devastate, or even destroy that castle you built in the sand. A troubled relationship can torpedo you, despite the esteemed reputation you managed to build in your community.

Perhaps you should consider learning how to manage your ever-so-complex state of mind and consciousness. You must handle your feelings, sweet friends, before they handle you. Have you ever stopped to examine how you think? My mind works like lightning: One brilliant flash and it’s gone. But truly, do you know the proper way to breathe to induce the most relaxation?

Are you aware of which distractions to remove from your life that disturb your intimate relationships or even your positive thinking? What offers you a more secure hold on a healthy, spiritual life?

We all know many genuinely unhappy people. You can only be as happy as your mind allows. Is your psyche at peace at this moment? You bring about what you think about, sweet friends. You may need to give yourself a break to avoid a breakdown.

If you feel sad at this time, do not fret. Please stop looking for reasons to be unhappy. Happiness comes in waves. It will always come back. Arguing with loved ones again? It’s been said: If you have to choose between winning a fight or being happy, choose happiness. Being happy automatically makes you a winner.

If your friend acts out of character once in a while, simply say: “It’s okay. You just forgot who you are for a moment. Welcome back.” If you are giving love freely to others, remember that you owe the love you give so generously to yourself, as well.

What do you count more: smiles or tears? We all wish our encounters with sadness to be as brief as possible. Unfortunately, anxiety or depression threatens to return at different times. We must therefore learn to live with and manage our vulnerability and fragility throughout our lives.

You can regulate your expectations by actually being ready should the symptoms return. You will never be fully impervious or unaffected, sweet friends; but you will recover. Please be patient with yourself.

You must be attentive to your patterns of thinking. Do not allow your thoughts to wander into any section of your complex mind. Feed thoughts about your worth and resilience. Observe thoughts about your inadequacy or powerlessness. Those ruminations will lead to nothing but self-torture.

Friends and supportive people are not a luxury or indulgence. They are literally the most profound resource that sometimes even keeps some people alive. Your close ones can soothe your fears and even help you challenge your mind when it wanders into dark places.

People who are averse to self-examination or even afraid of their own thoughts will not serve you well. Unsympathetic people can throw a shadow over your entire day. Do not listen to insensitive or unmerciful voices. Only take loving friends or family into your confidence. As they say: People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Those who truly love you will be tolerant and patient with you. Learn to embrace positive attention when you receive it and let her know how appreciated she is when she offers it.

Try to see the great beauty of your own destiny, sweet friends. We must all learn how to plot a more endurable future for ourselves despite our past. And as always, face down hardships by laughing a good deal. It may help to simply mock the absurdities of this life. After all, you made it this far, haven’t you?

You are the author of your life. So, what is in the next chapter? Live your life with love, grace, and gratitude. It’s been said: If you want to be happy: Be.


Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.