Do you actually know what a good relationship or friendship truly is? What is true love? Do you play games in your relationships? It may be less obvious to you if you go cold or camouflage your hurt feelings instead of sharing. You might bury your feelings but secretly hope your friend will feel bad for you or even apologize without even knowing how you truly feel.
Some of these behaviors are more insidious than you think. And no, you’re not always right. It doesn’t matter how flat you make a pancake. It still has two sides. And you know what they say: If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
But on a serious note, do the right thing. Always do the best you can and show your loved ones and friends that you care. Listen, Romeo and Juliet are a perfect example of why communication within a relationship is so crucial.
If you can’t solve it via email, texting, fax, sending it over on a dinosaur, WhatsApping, DM’ing, or phone calls, how about you try something novel: actually meeting in person. And please remember that the best person to talk to about the problems in your relationship is the person you’re in the relationship with.
When you think of your mate or friend, do you feel as though you are the lucky one? How grateful are you for her? Are you Wi-Fi? Because we have a great connection. Awww.
Everything in life is a negotiation. Give and take. Don’t only listen to the words, my friends. Listen for the reasons. Please remove pridefulness and ego from your character. It’s actually healthy to regularly explore how you may have frustrated, upset, or hurt each other. Express your anger in a moderate way, please. Do not stifle, suppress, or swallow your feelings.
Work on sensing the fear behind your angry or sullen mood. Express the fear in a gentle way so you do not resort to acting out your anger in a destructive way. If you do observe this, do not describe him in a negative way. Simply say how you feel when he behaves in a certain way.
Tone down those expectations of perfection, please. Allow for frailties and frustrations, which are inevitable. No one is lovable at all times, sweet friends. Not even me.
Do not be embarrassed if you feel needy at times. We all still have a child within us who wants someone to look after them. You do not need to have a hold on your dignity by constantly being defensive. If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be. Heck, my favorite co-worker is the coffee machine. But truly, our loved ones simply cannot save us from our own inner turmoil.
Stay friends with her out of a healthy choice, not out of desperation. We must all learn to love. Be charitable to what is broken in him and in yourself, as well. Direct sympathy toward what you may dislike about her. Do you not need others to look past your failings?
Look beneath the surface and find reasons why she behaves the way she does. Perhaps you are busy denouncing the evil in others and fighting for social justice, but do you have any humility or grace? Are you truly kind to others?
Do not withhold love or mercy simply because he is wrong. We must learn to cut each other slack and let go of self-righteousness. Be patient and give him time to mature and grow at his own pace toward his higher self. Let’s be honest. We’re all mature until someone brings out the bubble wrap.
The only exercise you’ve done this month is running out of money? Paid all my bills this month. Does anyone have some good recipes with water? But seriously, don’t worry about his rank on the social ladder or his wealth or power. Do not concern yourself with the number of people who seem to hang on her every word. What makes your relationships and life meaningful, my friends, is being fulfilled by the choices you make in life. Do not expect others to let you down at every opportunity. Try to bring your visions of happiness to life.
It was once said: Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth – or burn down your house – you can never tell. Speaking of which, never yell at each other – unless the house is on fire.
Love is not as far away as it seems. Embrace your fears and know that you cannot control every variable in life and love. That expectation is truly a recipe for disappointment.
Your mindset changes how you perceive others and the world. People do change. We may cling to what we once knew, but know this: Nothing, including us, lasts forever. Savor each moment, please.
Cheer people on. Try to meet their wants and healthy needs. Believe it or not, love is actually a skill you can learn. And don’t forget: The best thing to hold onto in this life is each other.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
