It looked like the government was going to shut down due to the Musketeer (someone else’s nickname idea) Elon Musk and Trump’s objection to the bipartisan spending bill that was negotiated in the House of Representatives. Trump wanted a provision to increase the debt ceiling. First, he said for two years, and then he said until the end of his term. Trump said he wanted it to be done on Biden’s watch. Due to their pressure, the Republicans in the House backed away from the deal.
They tried passing a second bill with the debt ceiling provision and it also went down in defeat, with 38 Republicans opposing it along with almost all Democrats. Plan C ended up with a smaller bill than the first one without the debt ceiling provision. It passed with support of Republicans and Democrats. The big losers are the Musketeer and Trump. Trump has lost in the Senate with the Gaetz nomination and now this fight. Maybe people have overestimated his power in Washington.
Now to my main topic of closure. I thought that this was an appropriate topic to address, since last week was the first Yahrtzeit of my mother. Shiva is not like shloshim, and shloshim is not like the remainder of the year, and the remainder of the year is different from after the year in the level of mourning. Although one never forgets a parent, the intensity of loss may decrease over time.
Some people are stuck in the past and unable to get over what happened. I knew someone who was stuck in the 1970s before an incident occurred that affected his life. He was never able to get closure.
People have different ways of addressing closure. One example is dealing with a parent’s home and items found in them. Some leave the residence after shiva never to return. I know someone who was unable to sell their parents’ home because they could not bear to do it and instead are renting it out. Others who have trouble going through their parents’ possessions may just leave the house vacant, waiting for the day that they feel ready. I know someone who sold their parents’ home but slept over in their childhood bedroom the night before the closing.
Others are unable to deal with it and, in extreme circumstances, move into the residence even though it is worse than where they are now living. In addition, there are individuals who are unable to throw away items of their parents because it is a link to the past. Some of these individuals have hoarding problems, which makes the situation even worse.
What has worked for me is the slow, methodical process of going through every item in my parents’ house, giving away, donating, or throwing away items that are not wanted or needed. You learn a lot from going through a person’s possessions. You see what they deemed important based on what they kept and what they threw out.
When I heard that the synagogue that I grew up in was going to close, I put together a reunion of people from the teen minyan I was part of at the shul. It was a month before my daughter’s wedding, but it was my way of dealing with the situation. We had the reunion, which I addressed in a previous column. I ended up davening for the amud at the last davening in the shul at the end of the gathering. That event gave me closure. Thus, when I took my mother there a year and a half later on Election Day to vote, she was unnerved about the change, but I had accepted it.
When the Mets decided to build Citi Field and demolish Shea Stadium, I went to the last game and obtained some items from the stadium. At that time, my father was not well. In earlier years, we used to go to Mets games together in Shea. He never made it to Citi Field. This was my way of obtaining closure.
This is the week between the Yahrtzeits of both of my parents. At this time of year, the NY Transit Museum takes out vintage train cars from their collection and runs them on consecutive Sundays in December. They call it the Holiday Nostalgia Train. I ended up riding on the Holiday Train. This year, the trains that were used were built between 1930 and 1940. Therefore, there is a good chance that my parents would have ridden on a similar car during that period.
Everyone has their own way of dealing with difficult situations or obtaining closure.
May the neshamos of my parents, Avraham ben Aharon Shlomo and Ita Rochel bat Avraham, have an aliyah.
Warren S. Hecht is a local attorney. He can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
