I have decided not to write anything about the presidential election. It is hard to be silent when I read week after week the Trumpians’ distortions and/or omissions. However, the bottom line is that it is a waste of time. Harris is going to win New York. It appears that nothing that Trump or Harris says or does is going to change many minds. The election is tight and people who are interested and plan to vote have made up their mind.
By the time you read this column, I will be done saying kaddish and davening for the amud for my mother. I also said kaddish when my father died 14 years ago. The difference was that with my father, I did not lead the services three times a day since the shul I davened in by my house was Nusach S’fard and I daven Nusach Ashkenaz. I only led Maariv (evening service), since there is no repetition of the Amidah. The significant difference between Nusach Ashkenaz and Nusach S’fard is the wording of the Amidah. I did not think I could say the repetition of the Amidah with Nusach S’fard. Originally, I was not planning to lead the service for my mother three times a day. Then one of the regular daveners said I should try doing it. At first, I was hesitant. He must have felt that it was like pulling teeth, but he convinced me to try. Baruch Hashem, it was not as difficult as I thought it would be.
Some people daven better not leading the services because they feel stressed having to deal with time constraints and people complaining. For me, it was the opposite. There are benefits of having to lead the services. I had to make sure that I was in shul on time. No matter how tired I was, I had to concentrate on the davening. I had to daven slower to go at the pace of the shul. There may also have been the pressure of making sure I said every word out loud correctly and clearly.
Although the mourning continues for another month, kaddish and leading the services end after eleven months. The purpose for saying kaddish and leading services is for the benefit of the deceased. If a parent had been a wicked person, they would need the full twelve months. However, no one wants to publicly proclaim, so to speak, that their parent fits into that category. So, we stop at eleven months. I would hope that very few people had such a horrible relationship with their parent that they believe the parent would fit within that category.
Although having to daven for the amud may have been draining, there is some sadness that it is coming to an end. It is a loosening of the connection with the parent. When we say kaddish and daven, it is our turn to help our parent when they cannot help us. Our parents did so much for us, much of which we took for granted. Although the time for kaddish and davening for the amud is done, it does not end our responsibility to our parents. The best way to give honor and respect to our parents is to act in a manner that anyone who sees us would say, he must have been raised right by his parents.
Finally, Sukkos is coming. It has always been a joyous holiday. The weather is forecasted to be clear and cool; no worry about water in the sukkah. In Israel, Shemini Atzeres and Simchas Torah are celebrated on one day, while in the diaspora it is two days. Simchas Torah has always been a happy day since we complete the Torah cycle and begin again. We pray that this Simchas Torah in Israel will be one of joy instead of sorrow like last year.
Right now, it is unclear what Israel is going to do against Iran. Israel is also battling Hamas and Hezbollah. These are not easy fights. May Israel be successful in its battles against its enemies. May those who have been displaced in Israel because of the attacks by Hezbollah be able to return home. We can help with our prayers, financial support, and by showing unity with our Israeli brethren as well as with our fellow Jews in America. My wife told me about a song, “Am Yisrael Chai,” sung by Eyal Golan, that went viral last year after the war began. The chorus includes the lyrics “Am Yisrael chai, im lo nishkach tamid lihiyot meuchadim.” (The nation of Israel lives - if we do not forget to always be united.)
Chag Sameach.
Warren S. Hecht is a local attorney. He can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
